I couldn't take it any more, and on break, they told me that text didn't sound bad... So I sent it to Courtney:
Hey, what happened? if you're not into
me, it's totally ok, but i thought everything was going well with us, and
now i'm just confused. i know i'm pretty clueless about lesbians, so if i
did something wrong, i'm sorry...
That was around 9:30. It's now 1:30 and I haven't heard from her.
I just don't get it. I mean, if she found somebody else, or I sent a text that insulted her, or she's just not that into me, fine. Even if it's not something we can resolve, even if it's going to prevent us from being even just friends... I just want to KNOW! How can I learn from my mistakes if I don't know what they are??
And I don't know how she can just sit there and not answer me. I know I've probably hurt some girls in my lifetime, and one specific one definitely comes to mind... But when she sent me a mile long email, pouring her heart out to me, I answered. And I kept answering her right on up until she had no more questions. It may not have been what she wanted to hear, but it was the truth, and I felt I owed her that. She's a human too, with feelings too. Even though she annoyed me most of the time, and I was totally not into her, I would never just toss her aside and pretend she didn't exist. Can Courtney really just completely cut off all contact with me, from now until forever?? Isn't there something I can do to make her want to tell me what happened??
I've said it a million times, and i mean it: i wasn't head over heels for her. I definitely liked her, and saw potential... But if she thinks it's not going to work out, maybe we could just be friends. That wouldn't break my heart, and lord knows I need more lesbian friends. Or if she can't even stand to be in the same room as me and I need to never speak to her again, I'll deal with that, too. But why can't she just tell me that, so I know??
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