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stupidfool
i need to sleep. and i'm frustrated. today was the complete opposite of yesterday. marie about ignored me. alyssa was there for a few hours, and she talked to her a ton, and didn't pay attention to me. after alyssa went home, marie still paid about no attention to me. when i went up there for stuff i really needed, she just seemed annoyed with me. yesterday she wanted me; today she hated me. hell, i don't know what she thinks any day, and it's driving me crazy.

except she saved me the non-tomato part of her sandwich. she ignores me when alyssa's there, she's rude to me when alyssa leaves, and then she calls me up there, smiles, and hands me her sandwich box, the same shape as yesterday. and when i was up there later, trying to find some way to touch her, she let her hair down and told me, 'smell my hair.' so i did. it smelled good, all fresh and clean and shampooey (you like that word?). she asked how it smells. i shrug. to me, 'i think you smell good'='i want you.' while it may be true, it's not something i want to say to her. i say it smells like shampoo. she says impatiently, 'but does it smell good?'
i don't know the right answer. i don't know what i'm supposed to say... i shrug and go help a customer and she looks at me in disgust and goes back to being mean to me for the rest of the night. she drives me fucking crazy. i need a new obsession.

speaking of new, in class today, the girl with the rainbow tattoo sat by me. actually, that's not true. she was there first. tuesday, she was in the middle of the room, and i sat almost all the way to the edge of the room. today, i came in and went to the exact same seat, and she was right next to me, only back a little because the desks weren't lines up so well. so i guess you could say i sat by her... i didn't talk to her, or look at her, but i spent the entire class period seeing her with my peripheral vision. when class was over, i was the first one out, and she was 3 behind me on the stairs. i noticed her feet at every turn. i get stuck on things so easily...

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