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stupidfool
what's new in my life:

my internet won't stop disconnecting.

molly ran into a pole at practice and got 7 stitches in her forehead. alyssa started a rumor that she got in a big fight with alana. i think it's interesting that everybody at work knows enough about our living situation to make sense out of that.

alana is back (she was on vacation for a week) and she's playing evil games with the ac. she cranks it up to 90 or 100 degrees when molly or i will be the next one back... finally, i confronted her about it and she said that it was just because she thinks that we set it too low, and that there's never any reason to have the air set at 68 or 70 or even 72. so, trying to be reasonable, i suggest a compromise. like, molly and i won't turn it down to 68 or 70 if she won't keep turning it up to 100. i said maybe we could just leave it at 76 or so. she got all mad and stormed off and extra apologized for her and then chased after her to make her feel better. afterwards, i realized that she's lying. when she sleeps here, she sets the air at 71. she's got to be doing this just to bother me or molly or both... i like alana, but she's driving me crazy. i think i'm going to like her a lot more when i'm no longer living with her. i can't wait... 3 more weeks.

because we're moving out so soon, we have decided to buy no more food. my meals are getting interesting. monday afternoon, i had sardines with raw ramen noodles. yesterday, i had a frozen waffle with cream cheese and sardines. for lunch today, i had sardines on potato chips. i still have 4 more cans of sardines, and i'm running out of creative ideas.

speaking of moving out, terrie is moving out. she was leaving when i arrived, but she had a whole bunch of boxes and she bought some packing tape, so i asked, 'moving?'
'yep,' she answered, 'have to. got evicted. can't pay the rent.'
i'm interested in hearing more, but non-pregnant kelly calls her over there, and that's all i get to find out. she used no pronouns. did she mean 'i' or 'we'? is she still living with christine? if she's moving out, she's not moving to the same place as christine, is she? and how the hell can she not pay the rent? she's got like 4 jobs, and she makes twice as much at this one job as i make at both my jobs combined. what does she do with all her money?

grand theft auto: vice city is due out october 22nd. i still haven't beat gta3, but i can't wait for the new one!

monday night, kiera got in a big fight with ann and left. jane begged, and i wound up working a 16-hour shift, from 3 p.m. to 7 a.m. i don't recommend it. i slept right through class that day...

at work today, there was this new bagger named kinitra. she was FINE. she's tall and black and muscular and she wore boys' shorts and shoes (i only know one straight girl who wears boys' shorts). i'm just like damn... she's bagging for alyssa, so i wander on over there, and talk to alyssa a lot.
on one of my trips over to 'talk to alyssa' (*ahem* look at kinitra), alyssa told me that she worked with rashid last night, and all night long, he kept talking about me. he was saying how i was smart and funny... she said he wouldn't shut up. she gave him a ride home, and he told her about how i gave him a ride home the other night. she also said he's never had a girlfriend, and she thinks i should date him. i say no (quickly, because if kinitra's not straight, i don't want her to think i am...), and alyssa asks why not. rather than answering, i say, 'i'm about as interested in that as i am in dating jim.'
'and we all know you're in love with jim,' alyssa adds.
'mmm-hmm, right, and terrie too, huh?'
'yeah, you know you love her,' she laughs.
kinitra just stands and bags and listens.
but later, alyssa says something about my major, and i name it, and kinitra says (she has a very nice voice; it's the first time she's spoken) 'i was thinking about doing that.'
my head practically detatches from my neck when i whirl around to look at her, completely tuning out alyssa and anything else i used to be thinking about. the hot girl has spoken... she's looking at me and i look at her and her face is amazing. i can hardly stop looking, but i realize alyssa's still talking to me, and i've been completely ignoring her... so i tell kinitra, 'it's a pain,' and then i reluctantly turn back to alyssa. this girl is HOT.
she goes home after i've only been there an hour, but i can't stop thinking about her. i want to tell the world how i feel right now... i want to walk around saying, 'that new bagger is hot. she's fine. she looked at me. i looked at her. did you see her shorts? do you think she's gay?' i want to go find marie (who claims to have gaydar) and ask her about this girl... (except for i probably wouldn't have the guts to ask, even if i could get marie alone)
so i mention her to everybody, until it starts getting weird. like i go up to the service desk and read the break list, and then ask (like i didn't already know), 'oh, that new bagger went home?'
non-pregnant kelly says nothing and marie answers, 'yeah.'
i trace my finger over her name on the list. marie watches me and then remarks, 'she's funny. masculine.'
'they won't let you wear short shorts here. she's gotta wear long ones,' i point out.
'no, i mean her face and everything,' marie says.
'i don't think so.' i don't. i think her face is feminine and beautiful. i wonder if marie knows it...
then i go over to alyssa, and ask if she talked much to 'that new girl.' alyssa says she's still quiet, like most people are when they first start. she said she seems nice... and that she's 16 or 17. 16 or 17?!?!?! i feel a bit like a child molester for even thinking about her... except what if she's 17, almost 18? then she's only 3 years younger than me, and 3 years is nothing, right...? 16 or 17... fuck...

marie a pain. today, she is having a particulary touchy day. she hugs me and touches my face, and even kisses me on the cheek when nobody's looking. she twists my thumb and then gives it a 'magic kiss' to make it all better. just when i'm starting to feel ok about the day, tyrone shows up and she turns around and gets all touchy with him and ignores me for a while. when he goes to do some work, she hugs me and when non-pregnant kelly looks at her funny, she turns her hug into a choke hold. then she lets go and pinches my neck, right in the front middle, which hurts a lot. she keeps doing it, over and over. non-pregnant kelly says i should slap her, so i do, and she hits me back harder. kelly leaves and marie asks, 'do you want me to kiss it and make it all better?'
'yes,' i challenge.
she thinks about it for a minute, and then (probably partly because we're in the middle of the store) she kisses her hand and places her hand on my neck.
i go up there to get something from the office, and non-pregnant kelly is out helping pregnant kelly, so it's just marie in there. she calls my name and when i turn to look, she sticks out her tongue at me. i stick mine out back at her, and i wonder what this is. for some reason, i get the feeling that this is supposed to be sexual, but maybe it's just because everything with marie feels sexual to me.
later, i go up there again (when kelly is back) and marie takes a step towards me. i back up and say, 'stay away. my neck's still tender from last time.'
kelly laughs and says knowingly, 'last time, huh?'
'not like that! she pinched!' i exclaim. marie stands behind kelly, raises her eyebrows, and sticks out her tongue at me. what's that supposed to mean?!

anyway, she's still playing games. she's constantly reminding me that i want her. tomorrow, she's giving me a ride home. we'll get to be alone for the first time since that night, so i'll see how it goes. i have a feeling that it won't go anywhere, becuase she doesn't feel that 'we' are worthy of discussion, though i might get a goodnight kiss out of it... and if i don't get any closure out of it that way, i think i'm going to start playing my own game. fight fire with fire, right? even if it has no effect on her, at least it might help to stop me from thinking about the effect she's having on me. i haven't figured out exactly how i'm going to attack it, but i'll work on it...

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