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I want to post about camping and the weekend and the good things and the bad things and the facts but I can't think. I can't do anything. I'm so tired and I don't sleep and all I want is her, to curl up in her arms and have her stroke my hair and promise it will be ok, but what's even not ok in the first place?? Only that I want that from her?! I need a new battle to fight. I don't understand what is in a normal person's head all day? What do you think about when you're driving? What do you think about when you're showering? When you're waking up or falling asleep? When you're doing mindless tasks like cooking dinner? When you can't focus on work at work? All I can think about all the time is her. They tell me I need to focus on me because I can't control other people and instead I need I need to focus on things I can control, my own thoughts and my own emotional responses, take a deep breath and move off of her and onto me, but that's not specific. What about me? What is there to think about that could possibly take over my head the way she does?


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My time is SO FULL that you would think I wouldn't have time to think either! I'm never home, always on the go, things always going on... I've had the vacuum out for 3 weeks now because I intended to run it, but still haven't had time!!
Maybe it's because work (for 8 hours a day) is very boring and I'm easily distracted by my own thoughts... But mostly it seems that no matter how busy I keep myself, there is always more than enough time for the thoughts to creep in and overtake me! :-( I just want someplace to attempt to redirect them, but I've spent so long with specific girls being my world that it can't even think of any "normal" things to try to think about instead!

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