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sunday
stupidfool
sunday was pretty uneventful. marie didn't work, but saturday, she left her notebook at self-check. i got some paper and drew her a picture of her name, and i striped it all different colors. i tried to draw a frog next to it, but i can't draw, so i ended up scribbling it all out and leaving her with a nice dark black trapezoid. i left it in her notebook.

the potential lesbian came in again, with the little boy. she had on a wifebeater, and she didn't look like a girl today. maybe i was mistaken, and this is actually a slightly feminine boy. there were large arm muscles, and even when i looked closely, i could find no boobs. i mean, i'm pretty flat-chested myself, but put me in a wifebeater, and you can see that there's something there... maybe the little boy had called the p.l., 'tom,' or 'john,' or something else that sounds like 'mom.' they went into the store to shop, and it really confused me, when i got to thinking about it. if this is a girl, i think she's hot. so if it's a boy, what do i think? it's the exact same person, and it looks the exact same way, and it treats me exactly the same. now, i'm starting to think of it as a boy, and i think i still like it. but i'm a lesbian... how does that work? does gender not matter? or am i attracted to girls and anything that bends the line between the genders? or am i just attracted to this boy because he could still be a girl, and i want to save that feeling, just in case he is?
then they come up to check out, and they go through self-check, as always. i look closely, and i really don't think it's a girl. this time, in my mind, the potential lesbian is a boy, and i'm still feeling that funny way, like i want to talk to him, but i'm scared. i keep looking at him, but if i see him looking back, i quickly look away. only this time, i'm disgusted with myself, because i'm not supposed to feel this way about boys... and then i'm disgusted with myself for being disgusted with myself, because there's nothing wrong with liking boys, just like there's nothing wrong with liking girls. you like who you like, and as a lesbian, i should understand that better than anyone else...
the boy who used to be a potential lesbian lets the little boy press the buttons. he lifts him up, and is very patient with him. he tells him to press cash, and then helps him sound out all the words on all the buttons, until he finds the cash button. this time, instead of thinking that the mom and the boy get along well, i wonder if the older boy is trying to impress the girls. aren't girls supposed to like men who are good with kids? i wonder if he's just using the little boy to impress people.
they go to leave, and the little boy walks by me first, and then turns around to wait for the older one. the older boy asks, 'did you show her?'
the little boy smiles shyly and holds out his wrist. he says, 'look.'
i laugh. he's wearing a bracelet made from the twist ties we have for the bags in produce. i tell him, 'that's pretty.'
he says, 'it's not really a bracelet. we didn't buy it at a store.'
'didn't you?' i laugh. 'who made that?'
i expected him to say he made it, but he grins proudly and says, 'my mom.'
his mom?!?!?! he came in here with just that boy. i guess the boy is back to being a girl. damn, i'm so confused...
'did she?' i ask. 'well she's pretty talented, huh?'
'yeah,' he agrees, and his mom says bye to me, and they leave.
i'm happy about this conversation. i talked to the potential lesbian, and the potential lesbian is still a girl! i bounce around and give rashid a high five, and i can't stop smiling, and he asks what i'm so happy about. i whirl him around in circles, and tell him, 'nothing.'
he just laughs at me.

evan said i could stay and help molly stock for an hour, so i did. kiera came in to be the night cashier, but she was sick, so they sent her home. rashid volunteered to do it. after he said he'd do it, he remembered that he had to work at his other job in the morning, and that he didn't really want to do it after all. he knew that monday was my day off from both jobs, so he came and found me stocking, and begged me to do it. i didn't really agree, but he kept begging and pleading, and he dragged me up front, still begging, and then he told non-pregnant kelly, 'debbie will probalby do it, if i can just convince her,' and i gave up and said i would. that's a lot of overtime and a lot of money, but it was a long time to work... i managed. when tasha showed up in the morning, i came home and went straight to bed, around 8 a.m.

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