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stupidfool
marie was setting something up and justin came in. even though he hasn't worked there in nearly a year, she somehow managed to convince him to help her. so the two of them were doing that and i came over, and she had me smell this marker, and then took it away, and just becuase i like marie and didn't want to leave, i tried to get it back. we wrestled for a while. justin watched and laughed, but it sounded forced, the same way i'll smile and laugh when she's wrestling paul or kyle, but the whole time i'm feeling left out and wishing i was the one she was hanging on. anyway, she grabs my neck and squeezes it really tight, so it hurts, and i yelp and leave the marker alone. alyssa calls me back to my register, and i help some customers for a while, and then i get a break. justin and marie have moved to produce, and are setting up there. the produce kid (the one who thinks i 'walk like a lesbian')is a few feet away, putting out bananas. i go over there and grab her neck, to try and hurt her like she hurt me. right as i grab, she's saying something to the produce kid, so they end up having a conversation while marie and i wrestle. he talks to her like he doesn't even notice that she's fighting me, and then we stop and rashid (who is all the way over on the other end of the store, but for some reason was watching us, calls me over there. i go, and he says, 'that's not how you should act around him! he already thinks you're bad! you should have been talking about how sexy malik is, or how much you like school!'
i laugh and say, 'oh yeah, that's right, i forgot. if i had been thinking straight, i would have stopped fighting marie and started talking about malik.'
'but you weren't thinking straight now, were you?' he asks.
i laugh and punch him in the arm and say, 'not straight, just straight!'
then lucas comes by, sees the red marks on my neck from where marie squeezed, and asks, 'who was sucking on your neck?!'
i didn't pay a whole lot of attention to the question, and answered the one i thought he asked by saying, 'marie! she's evil!'
rashid and him started laughing, and then i realized what i had said, so i quickly backtracked and added, 'not sucking! squeezing! like she's trying to choke me! nothing like you're thinking of...'
lucas walks away laughing, and rashid tells me, 'you know, i think you only like school because of the hot girls, not guys.'
i roll my eyes and tell him, 'no way. i think you're wrong.'
(he is wrong. not even hot girls could make me like school.)
then he adds, 'and i bet you wish you got those marks from marie sucking on your neck!'
since that's definitely true, i don't deny it. i just laugh and tell him, 'you know what? shut up.'
he laughs, and i go home.
i think he knows i'm gay. every time i talk to him, i'm more sure of it. so sometime, i should probably stop joking, and just tell the truth.

and now, molly is picking aaron up. so i'm trying to decide... should i go to bed so i attend classes tomorrow, or should i stay up so i can try to come out of the closet to them?

and when is my life going to stop revolving around coming out of the closet?

?

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