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stupidfool
today was my last day of classes. i was supposed to have 3. i went to 1. i slept through a quiz, making that 3 quizzes i've slept through in the same class, and we're still only allowed to drop our one lowest quiz score. i don't know what my problem is. i just can't make myself get up and go.

i worked today. christine wasn't there, but with a bit of sneaking around, i managed to find a copy of the office schedule, and she works with me, the exact same shift as me, all 3 of the days i work next week, including my last day. so that made me a little happy.

i was talking to jeff and i mentioned to him that i was leaving next week and he stopped joking around for once and said 'awwww... that stinks! i'll miss you. who will i talk to?' that made me a little happy too, becuase i'm going to miss jeff and i'm glad he feels the same.

jim was there and he was back to normal. either (a) he's moody, (b) it's becuase he just realized that i'm working next week (he used to think saturday was my last day) and is putting off his funny behaviour for a few more days, or (c) he talked to jane, who told him i asked about him, and that helped. i don't know which, and i don't particularly care, becuase as long as he's talking to me and being happy and friendly, that's what matters. he doesn't hate me, and i'm not making him miserable.

then i came home and molly asked if i wanted to come hang out with her and alana and aaron for a little bit, so i did. they were having a religious discussion for some reason. they are all atheists, and they think i am one too, becuase i was when i met them, and i haven't told them that i'm not sure of anything any more. they were saying stuff about how religious people are so brainwashed and all this stuff. if i believed in god for sure, i would have been insulted. since i don't know what i think, i just felt really uncomfortable. i didn't want to agree with them, but i didn't want to disagree either. i just wanted to leave. after about 5 minutes of me sitting in silence, molly mentioned that i was being very un-loser-like. i was so quiet. i told her 'yeah, i'm just tired. i think i should go back to my room and go to bed now.' alana asked if i was ok, and i reassured her i was fine, just tired, and then left. i wish i knew what i thought. it's strange though, how i was perfectly comfortable sharing my atheism with them, but i'm afraid to tell them i might not be one anymore. it's not something i should be ashamed of. i'm not. and they wouldn't care, either. they have religious friends, and they are fine with it. they don't agree with them, but they don't think they're awful people for it. it's not like being gay or anything. i just feel funny talking about it anyway.

i work early tomorrow (no christine) and then i'm going to come home and study like crazy. i have to do well in ee. i have so much catching up to do in all my classes. finals would be so much easier on me if i would have just gone to class and done the work all along. why am i such a dummy?

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