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[sarcasm] i'm so clever... [/sarcasm]
stupidfool
tomorrow is the day that marie and i might go apartment shopping... i asked her about it at work today, and she said, 'i don't know, maybe...'
that would keep me glued to the phone all day, i know. i wouldn't even want to go to the bathroom, because i would be scared that marie would call and want to go apartment shopping, and i would miss it. so, i made the decision to stay awake until 4 a.m. now, if she calls, she will wake me up. if she wakes me up, i will jump out of bed, throw on some clothes, and run to her. if she doesn't, i'll sleep right up until it's time to work, and i'll go straight to work. this will (hopefully) leave me with no time to dwell on the fact that marie hasn't called. so, with that brilliant plan, i'm all set to go to bed...

molly told me today (and she was dead serious), 'i think that you and marie have a very unhealthy relationship.'

right now, i'm going to bed, but sometime, i'm going to just pick a day with marie, and write it all out... because seriously, she hurts me. i know i say that, but i don't think i convey quite how much physical pain she inflicts on me... today, she twisted my wrist so far around that i still can't pick up a gallon of milk with that hand... i have scars... but if it hurts too bad, she says she's sorry, and she gives me a hug, and she kisses wherever she hurt, and tells me it's magic, and holds me close until i don't care about the pain, and i come back here and talk about the hug, and the way she holds me and makes me feel loved because that's what sticks with me... someday, i'm going to stop feeling, and just pretend i'm a video camera, and then i'm going to come home and record it all here. i think 'unhealthy' might be an understatement. 'abusive' might be a better word.

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