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and the second wave of doubts hits...
stupidfool
what about day-to-day living? what if she walks by the bathroom while i'm peeing, and hears my pee hitting the toilet water? how embarassing! or what if i fart?!?! i would be so moritfied that i would never leave the bathroom! what if i have to blow my nose, not a dainty little blow, but a real firm honk? what if my throat growls? it does, all the time. i don't burp. i haven't burped since i was a baby. instead, my throat growls, and it sounds just like your tummy might, but a little louder and lots more persistant. molly just laughs and doesn't care, but what if marie thinks i'm some freak of nature? what if i get sick? what if i go for a run and i come home and i'm sweaty, and she has to smell me?
and what if i'm not neat enough? compared to molly, i'm great, but what if she's a super neat freak, and i forget to bring my shoes to my room and she gets mad at me? what if i have some annoying habit that i don't even know about, but she discovers it and hates it? what if i trip on something and she sees? what if i get frustrated with my homework and get all mopey and she thinks i'm a stupid little kid?

i say i'm comfortable with marie, but what i mean is that i'm comfortable in her arms. in real life, i'm comfortable with molly. i'm comfortable with aaron, or alana, or lauren, or nikki, or katie, or extra, or my sister, or my family, or anybody but marie. i am not comfortable with marie...

but if i lived with her, and i had no choice, i would get comfortable with her. and maybe i'm stupid, and it wouldn't be so bad. i remember the night that she was going to come over for jello shots, she was flirting with kyle or paul or maybe both, like crazy... and it didn't bother me one bit, because i knew that in a few hours, she would be left with just me, and her attention would be on me. maybe if i lived with her, i would never get jealous any more, because i would always know that at the end of the day, she was coming home with me. maybe it would be a good thing, right?

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