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stupidfool
i was at the service desk today, and marie's mom came to the counter and asked for marie. (marie wasn't in yet.) i discovered that i am scared of marie's mom... but she was nice to me. i don't think she believes marie's lie. i think she's mad at marie for trying to move out and not telling her... and hopefully, she doesn't hate me. i just wish she didn't hate marie... i just wish she would let marie move out...

then marie showed up. she is a huge distraction... on a normal day, i make sure that we're ahead in the office. i do the refund reports, and i count and strap the cash, and keep a running total of the checks, as we go, so we don't have to add them all up at the end. i'm constantly cleaning up after myself so we won't have to clean at the end of the night... but when marie's there, i can't do any of that. i just watch her or follow her around. if she's at the counter, i'm at the counter. if she's in the low doorway talking to art, i go over there too. if she's in the office, i go into the office. when she's out on the floor, i stand at the counter, doing nothing, and just keep an eye on her. i tell myself that i won't let her affect me, and that it doesn't matter if i'm with her every second that she's there... but it matters. i'm obsessed, and when marie's around, i accomplish nothing. next week, jane's going on vacation and marie's running it... and i hate to think about what would happen if i had to close with marie. at least tonight, she went home at 9, and from 9 to close, i worked like crazy to make up for the rest of the day...

today, while i was following her around, i wound up in the office with her, and she was beating me up, and i was punching her in the stomach. she went to leave, and i just followed her, punching her stomach lightly. i chased her all the way from the back of the office out to the low doorway, and teena said, 'debbie, stop flirting.'
marie laughs and leaves and i put my hands on my hip and glare at teena and say, 'i'm not!!!!'

but later that evening, dwight (this kid who i knew freshman year) came in, and he talked to me at the counter for a while, and so i talked too... when he left, teena teases, 'look at debbie, getting her mack on... yeah, i saw you flirting with that boy...'
i tell her i'm not, and i didn't, and i don't like him. she teases me about that for longer than she teased me about marie. does that mean that she believes it more or less?

alyssa is going to be quitting in either december or january, she says. she could just be playing terrie, who has been 'quitting in a few weeks' ever since i started working here... but probably, she means it. and if alyssa is really quitting in january, what's the chance that she'll still be around in july, when i'm going to need a place to live? maybe that's not as much of an option as i thought it was.

today's good thing:
g was supposed to be off at 10 today. at 11:15, when i left, she was still on the phone, trying to find a ride home. she was so hot that i was afraid to ask her if she needed a ride... so i walked by her. i made it to the parking lot before i started getting mad at myself for not asking. i turned around and went back into the store (like i had forgotten something), and walked all the way to the back, counted to 10, and then came back up front and passed by g again. this time, i took a deep breath and then asked, 'g, you still here? you need a ride?'
she says, 'i live way up north...'
'that's ok,' i told her, 'i don't mind.'
so she says sure, and she tells whoever's on the phone that she got a ride, and we head out to my car, and then her uncle pulls into the parking lot, and she says, 'oh, never mind, my uncle showed up. thanks, debbie.'
i say, 'no problem. see ya,' and she says bye and that's it, but i walk out to my car, all proud of myself. that was so mature of me. how polite! how bold! i actually said something nice to somebody i liked... i can't ever do that!

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