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random things
stupidfool
i will be in bed by 3. if i stop in the middle of a sentence, it's because i dove into my bed. i'll finish tomorrow.

a few weeks ago, i was wearing my boys' pants. when jane noticed, she said, 'i like your pants.'
i'm stupid, but i think this means that she knows i'm gay. i think what she meant to say was, it's nice to see that you're not pretending to be a real girl any more. i knew all along that you were a big fat dyke. it's about time you started dressing like one.

yesterday, rashid was at the service desk, and i was starving. when my mouth started watering at the sight of tums, i told him, 'i'm so hungry! i'm in the sort of mood where i just want to eat everything i see.'
he asked, 'even jacqui?'
i laugh and say, 'of course! mmmmmmm... doesn't that sound good to you?'
he said, 'i bet she'd taste good.'
'i'm sure she would,' i agree.
she probably wouldn't. i wouldn't try, either. jacqui is hot, but she's not the kind of hot i'd ever sleep with. neither is terrie. neither was taysha. they're the kind of hot you like to look at, and you like the smell of them too. but if jacqui started trying to seduce me, i'd run away.
the point isn't that i was being honest, because it was a lie. the point is that the lie was not at all necessary. i usually lie to appear straight, and this time, i lied to appear gay! it was on the opposite side of my usual lies, and i'm pretty proud of myself.

today, there was this box at the end of the service desk. in the box was this bright bright yellow vinyl thing, that could have been a table covering, or something. it was all bunched up, and on top of it were some carrots and some combos. the yellow was a really pretty yellow. i like to stare at bright colors. so i spent the first half of my shift looking at this pretty yellow material, and wondering who it belonged to, and what they were going to do with such a brilliant color. then, terrie got off work. she came up and clocked out and i got involved in something in the office. as i was coming out to the service desk, terrie called to me and sam and rashid and kelly, and anybody who cared, 'bye!'
i glanced up at the door, and she was on her way out, and she was wearing that pretty yellow! it was a raincoat! i decided hat this was a perfect time to practice saying what i mean, so i exclaimed, 'i like your coat, terrie!'
she grinned and said, 'thanks,' and she left.
i'm proud of me. score 1 for me.

marie came in. i was running a break on u-scan, and she snuck up behind me and put her hands on my cheek. i jumped (they were cold) and turned around and she was there. i missed her so much... i grinned and we talked for a little, and she said, 'ever since you left, i've been spending every other day over at jeffy's.'
i feel good, like if i was there, she'd be spending time with me, but without me, she's got no choice but to see him.
then i have to help somebody and she goes up to the service desk to get a paycheck, and i realize that i should have told her i missed her. because i did. she stops back over to see me before she leaves, and i tell her, 'don't leave...'
she asks, 'why not?'
i tell her, 'because i missed you...'
she said she'd see me saturday, and i said i knew, and then i told her to say hi to jeff for me, and then she left.
i told a nice truth. score 2 for me.

bedtime. i'll finish tomorrow.

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