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stupidfool
so tragic_4 and her almost perfect parents got me thinking... i think i'm tired of lying to my parents. i mean, they're mad at me anyway, for my grades, and for my apparent lack of concern for the future... if i told them everything, at least they'd have a reason to be mad, and it would help them to understand why i'm treating my future like i do... i think i want to tell them the truths... all of the truths. how many are there? let me count.
1) udf
2) the amount of hours i'm working at the job they know about
3) i'm gay.
4) i have an lj.
5) there is no 'girl from my english class,' but i have met a whole lot of interesting people online, through lj.
6) i don't know what to make of religion
7) i didn't try to get an internship, for this summer or last summer.
8) i will probably wind up taking a break from school, at the end of my 4th year.
9) the reason that jim suddenly realized that dating me wouldn't work, even though he had been oblivious to all my other hints.
10) i used to walk home from work, when the busses didn't come.
11) i don't study, and i'm passing classes on luck alone.
12) i like marie as more than a friend.

i don't think they need to know #10-12. i guess they might figure that i'm not studying much, with working so often, but i don't need to tell them that i'm not motivated at all. i think maybe someday, i could talk to them about marie, but i should probably get them used to the idea that i'm gay before i get them used to the idea that i like specific girls. walking home from work? there's really no good explanation for that. i just wanted to make sure jane gave me hours, so i made my availability and ignored the bus schedules.

i don't know if i should tell them that i have a livejournal, or that i've met people through it. they'd probably be able to handle the fact that i had one and had met people, but they'd want to read it... and i don't think there's much in this journal that they'd be comfortable reading. i guess i could just go through and make all my entries friends-only... or i could leave a few... but how long did it take tragic_4 to get through all those entries? i guess i'd do it, if it meant that i could finally stop lying and avoiding the truth...

i just want to write them a big long e-mail, where i explain everything, just like a big autobiography, that tells all those truths and ties them all together. in one long e-mail, i could tell them about the me they never knew... but can i just send it? just some night, when they're expecting an update on my classes and work, instead, i send them a mile-long e-mail telling them everything? that seems so abrupt... isn't there a way i can prompt them? like, can't i lead them to ask me a question whose answer is all or part of the long story? i need a plan...
maybe i could just tell them that i work at udf, instead of waiting for tax season, and seeing if they find out. then they could get crazy mad, and then i could tell the whole story.
or i could flat-out tell them that i'm thinking about taking a break after my 4th year. when they ask why, i can explain that i'm gay, and i can explain why i like my job so much, and why i needed to get it as an escape.
but both of those are so direct. i guess the 4th year one is probably better. we've gone back and forth about my schooling so much as it is, that it won't come as that much of a shock to them that i'm thinking about it again... i can just say, 'i'm thinking about taking a break after my 4th year. it's ok, though, because i have a good reason, and i have a plan.' then i can leave it at that, and when they ask for my plan, i can tell them that it's a real long story, and it will probably make them mad, but if they want to know, i'll tell them. and when they say they want to know... then i guess i start writing. i get one e-mail to explain my entire life to them... it's a scary thought... but would it work? are there any better ways to do it? and isn't it about time that i do it?

i'm going home on the 20th of january, to pick up my glasses and to go to the dentist. so if i'm going to tell them, i either need to tell them REAL SOON, so they have plenty of time to absorb and think about it before they see me, or i need to wait until after the 20th, and then tell them. then, they can think about it, and they won't see me again until easter. i worry that with all the back-and-forth e-mailing that the plan will take, plus the time that it will take for me to actually compose that monstrous e-mail, it will be pretty close to the 20th by the time i get the whole story to them... and i really want to give them time. i think it would be best to wait until after the 20th. maybe i just think that because i don't want to do it, and i want to put it off...

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me and my almost perfect parents, eh? haha.
My opinion, and my opinion only:

Since it sounds like they are directly concerned about jobs and studying (I mean, they are parents after all), and will probably find out anyway, you should definitely tell them #s 1, 2, and 8. You should also eventually tell them 3, because, well, duh, it's like, everything, right? :-p

#s 7 and 11 I would be very careful with, because like you say, anything about motivation is one of those things that has "no excuse" and they could nag you about it forever (I made the mistake of telling my parents #11 my freshman year, and it took me two years to get over the stigma.) And there's really no way for them to find out about trying or lack of trying like that unless you tell them, so there's no real danger.

Don't do #4 or 5 unless/until you are sure that you won't have to worry about them stalking your journal.

I'm not really sure what you're getting at with #9, but it just seems like a more detailed extension of #3, so it wouldn't really be necessary in that case (unless it helps you get across the point of #3, otherwise just give them the least amount of info necessary).

#12, unecessary, and potentially bad because they might try to get you to stay away from marie or something (wait a minute, in that case maybe it would be good...heh). But I would save the specifics for when you actually have a real girlfriend that you think they should know about.

#6 I don't know enough to be able to offer an opinion about this - it depends on your family situation with religion, which I don't know that much about.

#10 You're right, I don't really see how telling them this would accomplish anything besides getting them to tell you not to.

Darn it, I don't really know why I just typed that all out...I think I just have a fascination with numbered lists. I really should have been getting ready for bed a while ago.....

later

lol, if you haven't noticed, i have a fascination with numbered lists, too. everything makes more sense when you can put it in a numbered list.

i guess my plan for #4/5 was to parent-proof my journal first, and make most the entries friends-only. i could leave a few for them to read, so if they decided to stalk me, they would find something... i just really want to come clean about everything, and livejournal has become a pretty major part of my life...

(#9) good point. the reason that jim realized dating me wouldn't work was #3. i guess that was on the list because my parents actually knew that there was a reason that jim realized dating me wouldn't work. they knew about the jim story all along, and how he didn't take hints, and all that stuff... and then when i told them i was hanging out with him, they got all freaked out, and worried that he would make a move on me and i'd be to wishy-washy to protest. i told them that he didn't, and they were really mystified, and wondered what had changed, and what made jim understand. maybe that would be a good way into it, since they already almost knew...

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