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coming out to my parents
stupidfool
i decided that the e-mail should come last. when i compose that e-mail, i want to obsess over it for a few days, post it up here and collect opinions on it (and maybe even show it to marie, if she seems willing), and when everybody tells me it's ok to send, i want to send it, right then, while it's still fresh. i don't want to write it and then let it sit around forever, while i prepare my lj for them. and besides, i'd really like to quit udf by the time i write the e-mail, and maybe even come out of the closet to terrie. i know that i'm making mental progress with every day that passes, but i feel like they'll be more likely to see it if i have something concrete to show for it.

i still don't know what i'm going to wind up doing with my lj. for some reasons, i like jay's idea of making a whole new journal. for other reasons, i'd rather just parent-proof this one. but i know that either of those will take me a really long time, and i need to get started... so for now, i'm doing both. i started a new journal, lil10deb. i got through exactly one week of stupidfool entries. i made all but one of them friends-only, and i copied bits and pieces of all but one of them into the lil10deb journal. it took even longer than i had expected it to... i had figured that i would just copy and paste, but it turns out that i needed to do quite a bit of editing too. i had to un-do the paranoid things, like change my two sisters back into one. and i also had to edit the reasons for things, so they didn't seem quite so sexual... i wanted to leave in there that i liked christine, but take out everything that indicated that there was any physical attraction... and i had to downplay the thing with alana, so it seemed like my jealousy stemmed mostly from the fact that she was straight, instead of from the fact that i was in love with her.

so, if i keep getting through this journal at a week a day, it'll take me about 3 months... maybe i'll try for a month a day... starting tomorrow, that is. for now, i'm going to bed.

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yeah...i mean it took me a while to read it, and I wasn't even editing anything of course...good luck!

Okay here's a question, and no I am not being sarcastic, since T4 has read your whole journal (something even I have not done) and she seems to be on the same level of paranoidness (is that a word) that you are, maybe she can somehow assist you in the time consuming task of editing and copy and pasting?

~Jay~

well, i can't exactly speak for her, but i would imagine that one trip through my entire journal would be more than enough... i'm certainly not going to do it more than once. in this trip, i'm parent-proofing, alana-proofing, extra-proofing... i'm pretty much everybody-proofing it. i will not be forced to do this again!

Ahh, now I find some of where this talking behind my back originates...heh

Well I do already have it all saved in word files on my computer...so it wouldn't really be that hard I guess...but I'd have to get fairly specific specifications of exactly what to edit out and stuff, and I don't know how easy or hard that would be...
I'd do it though :)

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