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stupidfool
my news from kroger:
the day after i went to holly's, i went to the store to get something for my mom and went through ashley's line. she asked if i was tired this morning. (since i had been out late at holly's the last night, and she knew i had to wake up early for my internship.) i told her 'yeah, a little, but i survived,' but as i was saying this, all this self-doubt came rushing at me. i'm not sure why. was there something in her tone, the way she asked that question, that meant they hadn't wanted me there? maybe holly doesn't like me and was just tolerating me becuase she didn't have the heart to tell me no. this thought plagued me for the rest of the day, but eventually, i decided that sure, i could make myself believe that if i wanted to. but if i wanted to, i could probably also make myself believe that holly was in love with me. she hugs me, she reached over and touched my leg in the car, and she talks to me all the time. if she really asked brandy to invite me, that could mean that she wants me to come, but is too scared or rejection to ask me herself. i know this isn't probable, but it's just as believeable as the possibility that she hates me. the real truth is i have no idea, and have no way of finding out, so i'm just going to pick the middle ground, and assume that she likes me just fine, and be happy knowing that she likes me and that i got to spend time with her. the end. well actually, that's not the end. there's 2 slightly holly-related things that i haven't quite let go of yet.
first is her dad. soccer is their family's main sport. that's what holly's going to school for, but she wants to play basketball too, as a walk-on. (i think she'll change her mind.) her dad is a certified ref and coaches a high school girls' soccer team. fly's fall sport of choice is soccer, and it just so happens that she played holly's dad's team monday night. i've never been to one of jake's cross country meets or one of d's volleyball games, but i practically begged my parents to let me go with them to fly's soccer game. i went. i discovered that fly is even better than i remembered, and i watched holly's dad pace up and down the sideline and coach the team. that was it. i was glad i went though. at least now i wouldn't lie in bed thinking 'if i had only went, maybe holly's dad would have been over by the bleachers, and seen me, and i could have found out how holly's liking school...' i knew that he faced the field the whole time, i faced the field the whole time, and the kids played soccer.
the other thing is that i have this burning desire to know mandy's last name. if i have it, i can look her up on my school's web page, and find some information about her, like her email address, and her home address. of course, i already know where she lives, so i don't know why i need that. and i don't know what i think i'm going to do with her email address, either. the only people i know from that school are holly, ashley, mandy, and jordan. i work with jordan and he and holly aren't very good friends. he likes her, but she can't stand him. i was thinking about searching for a yearbook somewhere.

angela quit. i hadn't worked with her in a few weeks, so i checked the schedule to see when i worked with her next, and she wasn't on it. john got fired. brandy, ashley, kristi, holly, and eileen all quit. we're getting all kinds of new people, and they're all either old ladies, or younger kids than the ones we lost. jennifer is still there, and that's about it. i miss holly, i miss christine, and life goes on.

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