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wow...
stupidfool
today was the first day of classes. i was an hour and 13 minutes late for my first class (which is only an hour and 18 minutes long) and there is a potential lesbian in my 3rd class. however, all day long, all i could think about was stacy...

i just wish i could make you a movie, or paint you a picture, or let you live through it... i swear, i felt the greatest feeling in the world last night, and i don't think i can describe it to you with just words.

i didn't even want to go bowling, really. i was tired, and wanted to stay home and go to bed. but i went, because i felt like i shouldn't let my team down...
i was there, and it was ok. this music was playing, loud. it was sandstorm, by darude. (if you don't know it, you should, because it's catchy.) it's on my ddr game, so every time i hear it, it makes me nod my head to the beat. so i was sitting there, nodding my head slightly, and sort of tapping my foot, and then it was stacy's turn to bowl... he approached the lane and the music went silent, that big pause in the middle... he picked up the ball and the drum kicked in, just twice, and then the music was building again... he stood there, while the music was building, and as it continued to gain momentum, he approached the lane... the drums kicked in again, faster, and faster, and then he released the ball... he focused on the pins, and the ball struck the pins, right in the center. all at once, the pins fell over, stacy threw his fist and his leg up into the air, triumphantly, and the music exploded, finally reaching the climax. the music pulsated through the entire bowling alley, and stacy turned around with a grin that lit up the entire room, and in that instant, i was more alive than i'd ever been. stacy's grin had spread to my face, and my heart was soaring... the beat of the drum was the blood pumping through my veins, and though i remained in my chair, my insides couldn't help but jump up and dance to the rhythm. i was happy, but a different, crazy kind of happy, like a feeling that i couldn't remember having ever felt before... it wasn't like my outlook on life had changed, and i wasn't happy because something had given me hope, like holly was becoming a friend, or terrie said she would move in with me, or anything like that. i was just happy with exactly what i had. i was happy because the music was playing and stacy was smiling and i was there. and that was it. the past didn't matter, and neither did the future. there was no analyzation required. it was simple and amazing, and all i had to do was just sit there and enjoy the feeling...

and it's gone now, of course... now the thoughts have long since kicked in, and i want to re-create it, or to figure out why it was so great. i've downloaded sandstorm for my computer, and am listening to it nonstop. i played it on ddr so many times that i've managed to pass it in heavy mode (8 feet, even though i struggle with most 7-footers). i told everybody about stacy - alisha (who called me again last night), sammie, alana, and even rashid. i talk about his smile or his bowling skills or his hat... i tell them how i love him, and how he's adorable... i picture his face, with that infectious grin, and i feel this small warm glow inside of me, but no matter what i do, i can't make it all come together, to get that whole feeling back.

all i can say is that if that's what it feels like to go crazy, i'll take it.

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