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stupidfool
yesterday at work, i was doing returns. i did about 4 carts full. i was partway done with the second cart, returning a can of store brand corn to the shelf, when i stopped to think about this. it was an amazing thing, that i knew where this went. i don't have to think about returns. i know. canned vegetables: aisle 5. right side. store brand is on the second to top shelf, and corn goes right between the mixed vegetables and the peas. i know where things go, but i don't remember learning them. nobody sat me down and told me that i had to memorize the layout of the entire store, and that there would be a test tomorrow. in fact, nobody really cares if i know the entire layout of the store. as long as i know how to bag groceries, they don't really care what else i know. i remember the first time i did a cart of returns. it took me forever. i'd search the entire aisle for the product, and half the time, i had picked the wrong aisle to begin with. if i got stuck, i would ask some kid from grocery, or holly, or anybody else i saw who might know. even customers helped me out sometimes. but nobody really cared what i did. nobody was timing me or grading me. as long as the job eventually got done, they didn't care what i knew or what i learned in the process. it's the same with everything i've learned here. i never got taught how to run register. i picked it up by watching and listening and occasionally asking questions. holly did the same. holly and i are the only people in the whole store who ever have run register without being trained on it. we both like learning things that we don't need to know, so we learned register, and since we know it, they use us. but if we didn't know it, nobody would complain. nobody's quizzing me on produce codes, and nobody checks to see if the train of carts i'm pushing today is longer than the train of carts i could push a few months ago. this makes me wonder: if school was like this, would i mind it as much? i hate school becuase i hate going to class and i hate studying for tests and taking notes and paying attention. but if there was a way for me to learn these things in a relaxed environment, with no pressure, would i want to? i suppose that's sort of how the internship was, but there, i hardly ever had anything to do. at the store, i feel like i'm always on the go, being busy, doing something. that's the way i like it. if there's nothing to do, they'll send you home. at the internship, i was almost always bored out of my mind. if i stop to think about those few moments when i was actually coding, was it that bad? i can't really decide if it was or not... i'm worried about my future. i don't want to spend the rest of my life like i spent this summer. i hated that job so much... but, then again, i don't think i could exactly spend the rest of my life working as a bagger at a grocery store. nikki was at the store the other day, and commented that most of the ladies working there were "white trash." i'm not sure exactly what that means, or how qualified nikki is to make that judgement, but i don't want people saying that about me when i'm 30, whether it's true or not. so i guess i'm going to be an engineer, like it or not. i'm just hoping that once all this stupid school stuff is over, i might actually like it. otherwise, i'm going to have a pretty miserable life.

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