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jai
stupidfool
i went to bob evans tonight. summar was there. when she noticed me, she opened her arms up wide and exclaimed, 'debbie!'
it was definitely an i'm happy to see you sort of exclamation. i couldn't figure out what her arms were doing, though... were they wanting to give me a hug?? i would hug her, but that would make me feel stupid and awkward if that's not what her arms were doing, and i was so worried about the possibility of a hug that i couldn't come up with anything to say in response. so i just stood there, and she exclaimed cheerfully, 'i don't see you for so long that i forget, and then i'm always thrilled to see you again!'
duh. i'm so stupid. i couldn't say anything nice, like i'm happy to see you too or i missed you or even something scary but truthful, like dude, you're so great that you're nearly an obsession to me. i just stood there with this big dopey grin on my face while she touched my shoulder for a second or two, in that friendly-straight-girl way... and when i still did nothing but smile stupidly at her, she went to do her out.
i felt so stupid and mad at myself that i wanted to just stop her in the middle of doing her out, and give her this long speech about how sorry i was that i could never return her enthusiasm, even though i was sure that i liked her way more than she liked me. but, of course, i didn't.
i did make sure to say a very cheerful goodbye to her, though. when she left, she said a casual goodbye to everybody in the area, and i was probably the only one who noticed and definitely the only one who responded, and i did it with a big smile, which i thought maybe would make her see that i did like her. but then after the fact, i thought about it, and realized that maybe it made her think that i was happy to see her leave, which made me feel even worse about myself.
aurgh.

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