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and i continue to dream.
stupidfool
i had a dream last night that holly and i were on the couch watching tv. my head was in her lap and we were laughing about something and every once in a while, she would hug my head. it wasn't romantic, just comfortable, but when i woke up, i just wanted to go back to bed and dream some more.

in other dreams, i continue to dream while i'm awake. just becuase christine doesn't know and terrie probably doesn't know doesn't mean my daydreams have to stop. without them, i am nothing. so i imagine working with terrie. jim walks by, ignores me, and terrie mentions it. i say i don't get it. she says he finally understands that i don't like him like he wants me to. i tell her 'that's no reason to ignore me. i like lots of people who don't like me back. it's not their fault. you can't control who you like! why, if you could control who you liked, i'd... it'd... things would be different.' she makes some comment on that... i dunno. things proceed in different ways from there depending on what kind of mood i'm in. some days, this brings christine to us and i get a hug. some days, terrie just figures out the truth and a few other people know and don't care, and i'm happy. some days, i end up naked on the floor with christine and her black girl... it's an open-ended daydream, and it's gotten me through this entire week of classes, making up different endings.

so in real life, i went to class today. i went to big bear to check my schedule and i've got 39 hours next week. alyssa tells me there's no way i should be working that much while i'm a full time student, but to get them to change it, i have to be persistant and bitch like crazy. (that's what she did, and it took weeks of complaining til they finally started giving her more reasonable hours) that's not me. i don't even complain a little, and persistant bitching...? that's just not me. so i'll just deal with working a lot. marie is getting trained in the office. life is not fair. if i could just say 'yes,' i could be getting trained back there too! i'm mad at myself, mad at jane, mad at marie... i want to work back there. i'm frustrated. i think jim was there, but i didn't see him. it wouldn't have mattered if i did becuase he's still avoiding me and ignoring me and i honestly don't understand why.

i came home and spent almost 2 hours cooking dinner. does it normally take over an hour to cook sausage? becuase if it does, i am never making sausage again. there is nothing on this earth that tastes good enough to warrent spending 2 hours in the kitchen making it. alana, her boyfriend, molly, and aaron all tried some. molly wasn't around when i was cooking for 2 hours. she got home right as the rest of us were finishing up. she took one bite and asked 'is this sausage fully cooked? it looks kinda raw...' i wanted to throw it at her and tell her to cook it herself. next time i'll just make easy mac.

then i wrote my paper (i started at 11 p.m. and finished by 12:30... i'm getting faster...) and did my part of the presentation. my dad is going to be in columbus tomorrow so he might stop in and visit me in the morning... so i gotta get to bed. i am going to bed before 2 a.m. there is something wrong with this picture...

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