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stupidfool
i went to work. on my way up to the break room, i passed terrie. i got scared. i looked down and she sorta waved (or wiggled her fingers or something) at me so i squeaked 'hi.' and besides that, i just watched her becuase she's hot.

jim had a new tactic today. he was still completely ignoring me, but instead of avoiding me, he was making a point of walking by me, always with another person, and made a point of being extremely friendly to them. i think he was trying to flirt with sam when they were at the end of my register. and later, when he noticed that i was close, he started talking to rashid real friendly like they were old friends. rashid was just confused. he strolled by talking loudly to various stockers, laughing and joking and stuff. so either he honestly doesn't care about me any more and he's suddenly become 10 times friendlier than he used to be, or he's playing mental games. i know all about immature mental games becuase i play them more than anybody i know. he wants me to see him having fun without me, and he wants to make me see that he's just fine without me, but to make me realize that i miss having him laugh and talk and joke like that with me. and i do miss talking to him, but it didn't take him showing off to make me realize that. i've known it for two weeks. so i'm hoping that he hasn't stopped caring about me, and is just playing games, becuase i like him. so i think i'm going to go ahead and send an email. it won't give anything away, so i can still back out if something goes wrong, but it will be a step towards fixing things. it's going to be carefully composed. i think i'll work on it in class tomorrow (becuase i never actually pay attention in classes...), and i want to have it sent by tomorrow evening. i will see him again on friday, and i want to give him plenty of time to get the email and possibly reply with another email. it would be helpful to have an idea of what he's thinking before i see him. maybe i'll compose it tonight and take it to class with me and analyze it.

besides that, work was uneventful. i got carts for like an hour becuase they didn't know what else to do with me. they were glad and so was i becuase it meant that i didn't have to talk to terrie, but could still stare at her every time i brought in a load of carts. billie likes to laugh at things i say, even when they're not funny. alyssa laughs at my hands in the air when i'm remembering cigarettes and it makes me miss christine. aaron and molly came to pick me up so i didn't have to walk. i have to wake up early to do laundry with molly tomorrow, so i'm going to work on a draft of an email to jim now.

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