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stupidfool
my teacher went home for the long weekend, so i didn't have class today. i woke up just in time for work.

it's been 2 weeks since i've seen christine. i wonder if she's avoiding me on purpose, or if she's avoiding something else at the store, or if she's ok, or even if she's still living here. i wonder if she remembers me. i wish i had the best reason in the world to call her. i miss her...

terrie walked by me and touched me on the arm and i don't know why she did it, but i felt honored. she also asked me to watch her bread, so i did, and when she came back to get it, she said 'thanks, bud.' she calls me the strangest things, sometimes...

marie poked me in the side. i think it's rather pitiful that the first thing i have to say about anybody is whether they touched me... but marie was being nice to me, mostly when i was talking to molly or jim. i've noticed that she does that a lot. she's nice to me when i'm talking to other people, but when it's just me, she doesn't really care. i'm sure there's probably a psychological explanation for that, but i can't think of one.

jim was there and he talked to me and i like jim. especially now that christine has stopped coming in, i'm really grateful for jim. he came up to the service desk and asked for terrie, who was in the back, so while he waited for her, he came over and was talking to me. terrie calls, 'what'd you want, jim?' and then she comes out and looks at him and me and says 'never mind, i know what you want...' in that 'ooh-la-la' tone of voice. i wonder if she's talking about me or if i'm missing something. he goes over there to tell her what he really wanted-to know if she wanted to take a break now, becuase he is. she does. he comes back over to me and says 'i'm taking a break with terrie.' i don't know why he's telling me this. what does he expect me to say? i say 'good for you,' and i think that might have been rude. he just laughs and they go on break and i wonder if they're going to talk about me. i hope he doesn't tell her what he knows about me. or maybe i don't really care that much if he does... i'd just want to know it if he did, and since we haven't discussed it one bit since the first day i talked to him after he found out, i don't think i'll ever know.
today, he came up to me when i was sorting change, and asked 'did you see that hot blonde girl? did she leave?' i told him truthfully that i wasn't paying any attention. he left, and i stopped and wondered about that question. he said she was hot, to me. he knows i like girls. any other guy says 'hot girl' to me, and it just means they think she's hot. but jim can say it and it could mean that he expects me to think the same thing. it's strange. it makes me want to chase him down and tell him that alicia keys is hot. nobody else can in the world would expect me to appreciate a hot girl. i wonder if he even thought about that when he said it, or if he just meant that he thought she was hot. i wonder if i think too much about dumb stuff.

i needed a ton of change and i went up there and asked for it, but i got confused and said 'nickels' instead of 'quarters.' marie went to get it but came back out and said i gave her the wrong amount and recited what i had asked for and i told her 'oh, i didn't mean nickels. i wanted... ummm... those big nickels,' because for some reason, the word 'quarters' slipped my mind... terrie was coming up right then, and she started laughing. she teases 'oh, so now there's big nickels, little skinny nickels, regular nickels, and copper nickels?' she says 'you're such a nerd.' and then she tells me that she means that in the best sense of the word-i'm a good nerd. and then she asks me if i smoke weed, which makes me think of the time christine asked me that, 6 months ago. i answer 'no.' she asks if i lace my brownies with anything... i tell her nope.

that's it. i have a paper due sunday by email. i should probably start it tonight, so i don't have to do it all tomorrow. i probably won't though. but it's a good thought, anyway.

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