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stupidfool
i got a mole scraped off my stomach today, and then courtney went with me to get blood drawn. after that, i went to her place and we watched rent, and i don't know what it is, but i feel like crap. i feel like crying. i am never allowed to watch depressing movies ever again. i don't get what's wrong with me. i hurt. my stomach and my arm and my heart. i don't get why i feel so empty, and why i can't talk myself out of this. i don't get why i'm 25 years old and i've NEVER had a girlfriend, ever. i don't get why i feel like this is the only thing that matters. i don't get why i want a hug so badly, and i don't get why when i get a quick hug goodbye from courtney, it does nothing for me, but i'm convinced that if i could just have ONE MORE, then it would fix everything. it wouldn't. what would???? and why does it kill me so much when courtney talks about all of these lesbian couples she knows with houses and cats, living happily ever after? is there some kind of rule that she has to share all of her friends with me? do i think that if she doesn't share her friends with me, she doesn't love me? i don't understand what's going on in my head that makes me hurt this much. i just want a hug...

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