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stupidfool
at work, i got carts, and there was this girl standing outside the door. she looked like she was about 19 or so. every time somebody left the store, she would ask them for money to feed her baby at home. she was making money like crazy. i didn't know what to do about it. (i was almost tempted to stand there and ask for money right alongside her because she was obviously earning way more money than i was making by pushing these carts.) i kept pushing carts and watching her, and the people she was asking. some gave her money, and some just looked at her in disgust. because of them, i thought maybe i should go tell somebody about this. if she really has a baby to feed, i feel bad for her, but i think there's a rule about this... and don't the customers deserve to be able to leave the store without being solicited for money? or am i just being uptight, and telling would make me a tattletale? i worried that maybe it would, so i kept pushing the carts and did nothing. on my way back out to get another load, i heard a lady say to her husband, 'you'd think they'd do something to get her to stop it...' i didn't hear his answer. when i brought the carts inside, i went into the store. i bypassed ann and jane and went instead to terrie, who was hot, conveniently located, and slightly less important than my other options. i figured the bosses would have to stick to the rules, but the lower i got, the better chance i would have of them considering the situation, considering the rules, and then making the right choice. (although i didn't know what the right choice was...) i asked terrie, 'if there was somebody outside asking for money to feed her baby, would that be bad?'
she rolls her eyes and says 'yes, of course it would! is that girl still out there? i already politely asked her to leave once and she claimed she was just waiting for a ride.'
i mumble 'uhhh... ummm...' while i'm trying to decide what the right thing to do is, terrie goes outside and sees the girl for herself. terrie calls ann and they go out there and the girl gets scared and runs away when she sees them coming. she doesn't come back. i feel guilty and i can't decide if i should or not. i think maybe i should. i think maybe if it bothered the customers enough, they would have gone inside and complained, and then it would have been their fault, not mine. on the other hand, if we let this girl stay, what's to stop all the other neighborhood bums from coming here and begging for money? that wouldn't be right. this is a grocery store, not a soup kitchen... i don't know. it was a moral dilemma and i think it was good for me, because for a while, i forgot to miss christine.

night time came, and my mind went back to christine. i have her phone number. she told me to call her if i ever needed anything. i need something. i need to hear her voice, only i'm pretty sure that's not what she meant. i want to call her. i really really really do. if i could just come up with a good reason to call her, maybe i could... don't you think wanting help in coming out of the closet is a good reason? i'm scared it's not good enough. or i'm scared that she'll think that's not really what i want, and i'm just making up a reason to call her.
but... she could still come into the store. not last time but the time before, she said she'd be back to check up on me. doesn't that sound like she means more than once? she's only been back once since then. so she should be coming back again, right? it hasn't even been a month since the last time i saw her here, and i was gone for two weeks since then. for all i know, she could have been in the store less than 2 weeks ago. last time, i went a month between christine-sightings. i should give her at least a month... i'll give her a month from the time i got back to columbus. that's february 5th. if i haven't seen her by february 5th, then i can start to seriously consider my options. until then, i'll wait and miss her in silence...

alyssa and helen brought her up today, while i was bagging for helen. they were discussing stealing, and then they were discussing her, and then they were discussing how she got kicked out of the store. i asked why she had been kicked out, and alyssa said she thought it was because she had been in here and had gotten in a fight with terrie, right in the store. and later she had been arguing with some others too, or something. this explanation makes sense in that it explains why terrie thought it had been partially her fault... but it has nothing to do with the policelady or jim or me. does it have to have something to do with the policelady or jim or me? why did i think it did? i don't know. i don't remember. i know nothing. i'm going to bed.

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