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stupidfool
at 7 in the morning, as i crawled into bed, i decided to check my schedule for the next day to see if i worked at 2:30 or 3. i discovered that i actually worked at 11. i slept less than 3 hours. considering that, today wasn't bad.

i asked jim about skiing, just to make sure we weren't going when he had said we might, and he said he had completely forgotten about it, and he was busy this weekend too, so we would just do it some other time. the only strange thing about this is that either jim was lying when he said that he had forgotten about it or amit was lying when he said that jim was just here 2 days ago, looking for me so we could talk about skiing.

rashid was there. we observed terrie talking with jim a lot. we used this as proof that terrie is straight. i don't know if rashid really thinks this or if he's playing along just like me, but what i'm really thinking is that i'm jealous of terrie and jim. maybe i'm jealous of jim, because he gets to be such good friends with a hot lesbian. or maybe i'm jealous of terrie because i like it when jim talks to me, and sometimes i feel like he passes over me for terrie. i'm not sure which. maybe it's both. all i know is i get jealous when i see them laughing and talking happily. i also wish that we (the three of us) could all be as cheerful as we are when it's just jim and me or just jim and terrie. but i get funny around her and i think she's different around me, or jim's different when he's with both of us at once, or something. i don't know.

rashid and i also discussed malik, and wound up accidentally telling about half the store that he has fathered 27 children. (hopefully, they didn't actually believe us, because i'm pretty sure that wasn't true...)

terrie has a very nice chin, i noticed today. terrie is hot. i want to have wild crazy sex with terrie and then curl up in christine's arms and fall asleep. do normal people want both those things to happen with the same person?

(background info: if you lined up a million little kids, of all races and both sexes, and asked me to pick the cutest ones, i would pick all the little black boys. this is probably why i follow lil bow wow, lil romeo, corey, lil j, n'toon, sammie, etc, even though i tend to stay away from most of that teenager-type music. is this being prejudiced? is this bad? even if it's not bad, i think it's probably abnormal and maybe it represents some real big issues i have hidden away somewhere, but i wouldn't even know where to begin to analyze it, so i'll just leave it at that.) so, beep has the most adorable little grandson i have ever seen. he came in today with beep, and he got tired of following her around, so he snuck over and was hiding behind my register, and kept peeping his head out and saying 'boo!' and then laughing hysterically. nothing puts me in a good mood like an adorable little black boy with a bright smile. i was cheerful for the rest of the night.

rashid was talking to amit and anthony and they didn't know i was listening. they were talking about girls, and rashid was trying to explain to anthony how hard it was to get an indian girl to agree to date you. amit (who is also indian) agreed. i noticed because i wondered if maybe rashid was trying to say that he likes indian girls. that might be stretching it, but i'm going to take it as a little bit of proof that he likes indian girls, not me, and assume that amit just likes to drive me crazy.

terrie called me 'baby' today. this would have been even more exciting if she hadn't said it in the same tone of voice you use to call people 'kiddo.'

tyrone came in to shop and i realized that him and taysha are pretty good friends, which reminds me of christine and tyrone. i miss christine. i think i like taysha. and i wish tyrone would talk to me like he does to every single other girl who works in this store.

because i had an early shift, i had no chance of seeing christine. i consoled myself by figuring that she wouldn't come in on a friday night anyway. the last two times, she was here on a monday and a tuesday (not that i'm keeping track...). those are normal nights to have free. she wouldn't come in on a friday night... i'm not missing anything by getting off work early... right?

when i got off work, i was up in the break room talking to jim while i waited on the bus. marie came up. she was on her way out, but i said something to her (i don't remember what) and she came over to me and pretended to choke me with both hands, and i laughed and ducked and sort of tried to get away. then she wrapped her right arm around my neck, like a choke hold, only not tight, and i could feel the whole right side of her body against the side of my back. it felt good, and it took all my effort to keep acting like i was struggling to get away. i could feel the warmth from the rest of her front, just inches away from my back, and all i wanted to do was turn slightly to my left and lean back into her warm body... i told her 'ok, ok, you win,' and stopped struggling and even though i didn't give it my permission, my body started to lean back into hers, but at the same time, she let go and celebrated her win with a grin, and then left. jim and i resumed our conversation, while i mentally reminded myself: you don't like marie. you don't like marie. you don't like marie. because i don't! i swear i don't. do people normally feel this way about physical contact with ugly girls that they don't like? (and is there a less harsh word for that? ugly is rude. how about not-good-looking. that's better, but kind of tedious. i'll leave both options; you take your pick.)

i came home. molly is at work, alana is out with her boyfriend, and lauren is here getting drunk with a few dozen close friends... i'd be willing to bet that i could fall asleep despite their drunken laughter.

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Hey about the whole thing you asking if thinking little black boys are cute and stuff and it being prejudiced or abnormal. My answer to that is totally not. Its true though, I think black kids are sooo cute, and I also think black guys are very hot and black women are pretty. Its not abnormal to think that at all.

You like who you like. Hey what about instead of ugly you say beauty-denied or not aesthetically pleasing.

Uggers

(Anonymous)
I think the PC term is 'cosmetically challenged', but around here we just call 'em mingers...

Having said that, my mate has an old Defenders of the Earth episode on tape called 'Diamonds are a Ming's Best Friend' and as a result of that we went through a stage of not calling women mingers, but saying: "I'd give her diamonds."

So now you know what to say about mooses, uggers, mutts, Picassos (heheh) and the like.

Regards,
The Small Faced Boy

wow, you're pretty good at that....
marie=minger
alyssa=giptonite
who else do i know that needs a pc term that's safe to use because nobody's ever heard of it...?

oh yeah ps there are times when I want to have wild pornographic sex with Enjoyable but I want to cuddle up to Valley (my ex/first love). I think that is okay. It just goes to show that one drives your hormones wild and one offers you a sense of comfort and security. But then I am not exactly the picture of normal so...


~Jay~

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