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stupidfool
i slept through my first class. i was running late for my second class and i forgot to bring my room key, but i don't realize that until later. my quiz is open book, open note. that's good news since last night i decided that i would rather sleep than study. i think i probably did ok on it.

so then when i'm done with classes for the day, i come back and discover that i'm locked out of my room. and april, who is due to be back first, won't be back for another hour and a half. they have this thing where you can check out a key to borrow, but if you do it more than a certain number of times, you get in trouble or have to pay or something. and i think i'm more forgetful than most, becuase i'm approaching that limit. so i have my school stuff with me, and i just go lay in this patch of grass behind the dorm and study. for an hour and a half. not many people really come by, and i have no computer, no tennis balls, no roommates... nothing but me and my books and my thoughts. so my thoughts are occasionally a bit of a distraction, but all in all, it was probably the most productive hour and a half i've had since this sememster started. now the backs of my legs and my shoulders are sunburnt though. oh well.

then i went with molly and alana to the student union to get something to eat and we ate and hung out for a while. alana and i went over some homework when we got back becuase she wanted to check her answers. i had done that when i was outside. and i studied for tomorrow's midterm outside. so i feel prepared, i guess. it shouldn't be too bad... i'm more worried about my friday midterm, but not worried enough to make myself study yet... i need to lock myself out again tomorrow. really though, i think tomorrow i'm going to study a bit, and then take a break and head out to big bear. i work friday, but christine doesn't work with me again until saturday. i miss her. and i need to get my paycheck. and i need to check my schedule. and we're almost out of toilet paper. so really it's not just christine. i have good reasons to go.

and now i'm just sitting here being frustrated with life in general. school sucks. i want christine to like me. i don't want to go home for the summer and leave molly, alana and lauren, or jim, tommy and jeff. or christine. but i don't really want to stay here either becuase nothing good is happening. i want to go to fucking san fransisco. is that the place where there's more gays than straights? that's where i want to go. is there a place like that only farther north? i want to be there. that's my new light at the end of the tunnel. i decided that while i was laying in the grass studying. any time i get depressed, i'm just going to remind myself that when i graduate, i'm going to san fransisco. and things will be just peachy keen there, i'm sure... life sucks. san fransisco, loser, san fransisco. i don't really think i'll ever end up there, but if i can keep telling myself that christine is gay, then i can certainly keep telling myself that i'm going to wind up in san fransisco, right? yeah ok so since tomorrow's a busy day, i should probably head off to bed...

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