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stupidfool
i woke up about an hour and a half before class and discovered that i had left my backpack at the store the night before. so i did everything quickly. i didn't eat, and i didn't put my hair up. i just ran a comb through it and ran out the door, still buttoning my shirt.
note: i almost never wear my hair down, especially to work. the reason for this is simple: having hair hanging in my face annoys me. and when it's windy, i don't really like to eat my hair as i walk down the street. so i pull it back into a ponytail and tuck it up. i do it up in two braids sometimes too, for sports and stuff, because the braids tend to hold the short pieces in better.
so when i get to the store, marie notices me and exclaims 'loser! you don't look like loser!!' and she's got this big smile on her face and i think i probably turn red because i'm embarrassed. but at the same time, i'm wondering if she thinks i look better or worse than loser. maybe she thinks i look better, and now she'd be willing to fuck me. because today she looks fuckable to me, even if she is a minger. i go right away to get my backpack. on my way out, though, i stop to zip up my coat, and marie calls me over. she asks why my hair's down and i tell her i was short on time, but it will be good practice for tomorrow anyway, and i tell her about the stupid dinner. she asks if i'm going to curl my hair. i don't even own a curling iron. i stammer 'i-uh-i don't... know what a curler is.' she laughs and asks 'really?' i tell her no, but i really don't have one. she asks if molly does, and i say no, but my other roommates do. she says i should curl my hair and i tell her i don't know how. (i'm pretty sure i could figure it out, but my roommates last year thought it was fun to play beautician with me, so every time i had to get dressed up, they did it all for me... so i'm a little out of practice.) she says to have my roommates do it for me. i say i bet they have better things to do, and then kelly calls over 'loser! your hair's down!' and gives me a thumbs up and i shrink into a corner and sheepishly make a thumbs up back at her. alyssa and taysha are standing by kelly, and i find myself thinking that all three of them are also looking fuckable today. i am disgusted with myself. when a giptonite and a minger are both looking good to me, that's when i know it's time to leave... marie gets a customer and i make a quick escape.

the only other half-interesting thing that happened today was a stupid mistake on my part... molly, lauren, and i were talking about doing laundry, and how it's a pain. we were discussing different ways to get to the laundromat, and wondering if our apartments would have laundry facilities... i was thinking that it would be much more convenient to have somebody like a mother to do your laundry for you, which made me think of jim, whose ex-girlfriend does his laundry. i remarked to them, 'i need an ex-girlfriend so she can do my laundry for me.' there is a short period of silence, and then i realize what i said, lauren asks slowly, 'uhhhh... loser?' and molly suggests, 'how about terrie?'
i slap myself in the forehead, duck, and protest 'no, no, that's not what i meant! i just meant like jim has somebody to do his laundry... i don't really want an ex-girlfriend! i promise!'
they just laugh, and i think it's a good thing that i can't ever talk correctly, and i slip up on non-lesbian related topics all the time too, or this would have made me more worried. as it stands now, i'm just frustrated with myself because i wish that there wasn't always such an easy truthful lie to tell, and i was forced to come out of the closet, or at least to get closer. (did that make any sense? what i meant was that i could make my protests convincing because i really DON'T want an ex-girlfriend; i want a girlfriend. it's a minor difference, but it's enough that i could say it like i meant it. i wish there wasn't always such a simple half-lie to tell. i wish his girlfriend did his laundry, and i had accidentally said 'i wish i had a girlfriend to do my laundry,' and then i wouldn't have been able to find such an easy way out, because i really can't flat-out lie. except if that was the case, i would probably find a different way to lie by telling the truth. so it doesn't make a difference. maybe i just wish i could talk to christine and make up my mind to come out on purpose, and then i wouldn't have to wish to accidentally tell a truth that i can't lie my way out of...)

besides that, i went to class, had dinner with alana and her boyfriend, cleaned up the main room with lauren, and talked to molly and aaron a little. and nikki invited me to a party/get-together at her place sunday afternoon, but i'm probably going to have to work. i'll find out tomororow. i'm tired and i have to wake up early tomorrow to pretend to try to get another internship so i'm going to bed now.

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Another word is yours :)

(Anonymous)
when a giptonite and a minger are both looking good to me, that's when i know it's time to leave...

Heheh! The two things aren't mutually exclusive, in my experience (most Giptonites are mingers). Sorry to reply so late but I've not had chance to keep up with things in your journal for a while. I'll see if I can knock up a certificate of minger appreciation or summat for you now that you've used it 3 times :P

BTW, as regards your whole man-hater thing below, I always find it interesting to look at it the other way around. Would you consider a straight man to be a man-hater? Or a gay man to be a woman hater? Methinks not. Anyway, just thought I'd stick my oar in, as it were, before disappearing into obscurity for a while again.

TTYL,
The Small Faced Boy

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