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stupidfool
yesterday, it was nice enough outside that marie could take a break outside without even a jacket. today, i woke up and there was an inch of snow on the ground.

work was crazy. shay and prudy both called off, and kelly insisted that she had to go home an hour early. terrie asked if i would stay an extra half hour. this works best with the bus, so i said yes.

2 hours later, i remembered that i wasn't riding the bus; jim was picking me up. i didn't want to talk to terrie, but i finally decided that jim was my friend, and i had committed to that first, so i would have to talk to terrie and get out of it. i called her on the intercom, and when i explained, i ran real fast over the 'jim' part of the explanation, but she caught it and asked 'jim?' i said yeah. she asked jim who, and when i told her, she said 'oh, he won't care... just stay.' i asked 'isn't that a little rude?' so then she started laying a guilt trip on me, how i had already committed to both, and now i was going to have to make a decision, and i had really got myself stuck here because they were counting on me to work that half hour... jane was there (wherever terrie was) and i heard her talking in the background. terrie explained to jane. jane said she would call jim and tell him to come later. she did, but he didn't answer, and when he called back, he ended up talking to me, and i stammered and felt all guilty. he said it was fine because he was running a little late anyway.

amit and teena both told me that rashid likes me. i said he didn't. they said he had said that he did. i don't know if i should believe them. i'd rather not.

jim came to get me and we talked to jane for a little bit. then we went and got the dvd, and then he stopped at the gas station and bought himself a 40. he asked if i wanted anything... i didn't.

we watched the thing, and then we watched the extra things, like the commentary and stuff. we joked around and played a little pacman on my ps2. then he said he should probably go to sleep. go home. he put on his coat, and we look out the window, and it's pouring. it's got to be freezing rain, though, because there's still snow on the ground. that's bad weather... but what am i supposed to do, ask him to stay? he'd have to sleep on the floor, or on the couch, but the couch is little. you'd have to be pretty drunk to be able to sleep on that comfortably. and speaking of drunk, in the past 3 hours, he drank a 40. that's only like 3 beers. 3 beers in 3 hours... that's not much, is it? it'd probably be enough to get me drunk, but i'm a lightweight with no tolerance. he parties and drinks all the time, and he weighs a lot more than me. and he knew he was driving home. he's fine, right? i offer him an umbrella, and he takes it. and then he leaves. i am scared that i was wrong to let him drive home, in this weather... i hope he makes it home ok.

overall, i just feel dissappointed. the movie was funny. i like pacman. we had fun, i guess. but i wanted to, at the very least, say something about a hot girl, or talk about something related to that, just so i know he remembers... i mean, i know he remembers. he's not stupid. i think i just want him to be serious. i want me to be serious. i want to have a real conversation with a real person who knows the truth. i want him to be like christine was to me. and i want terrie to be like christine was to me. i want everybody to be christine to me, and right now, nobody wants to do it, not even christine herself.

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