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stupidfool
i'm tired. i thought i couldn't sleep for more than 12 hours, but i wound up sleeping over 14. it was nice...

i got up and we went grocery shopping, made lunch, and played playstation. i thought about doing some homework, but filled out job applications instead.

i went to work. marie was there for another half hour and amit was there too. i was supposed to be on self-check, but i kept roaming up there to talk to them. i'm stupid. i don't even want to talk to her. i just want to touch her, but sometimes talking is the first step... i don't know. i'm fucking stupid. she thinks i'm seven and amit doesn't help. i didn't touch her, just made her laugh a lot, but mostly by sevenish stuff.

rashid is taking cis 201 this quarter. or maybe 202. i forget, but it's a class i didn't have to take, because i had cis in high school, so i tested out of a few of them. he had some homework with him, and he couldn't figure out how to do it. so i wrote him a few lines of code and showed him how it would work, and he understood, and asked if i would help him with other homework if he had trouble. i said sure, so he asked for my phone number and e-mail, and i gave them to him. after he left, amit talked to me and made it out like i had just given him my phone number like we were going to start dating or something. i tried to explain to him that it was just a homework thing, but he acted all sly and said, 'i don't think that's how rashid is taking it...' i think amit is lying. i think he just likes to tease me. he'd better be.

i went and got carts with justin in the middle of my shift. we raced them for a while, and then he went in for a break and i stayed out. i was thinking about jim. jim is wonderful. every time i realize it, i'm impressed all over again. why can't i like jim like i like marie, or like i like christine? life would be a hundred times easier if i could just like jim. we could date, marry, live happily ever after... he's funny, he's nice, and he cares about me... he left the store, but he didn't abandon me, like christine did. he's still here. i'm the only one he comes back to see. he'll talk to them while he's here, but i'm the reason he comes back. i'm the only one who he still e-mails. i'm the only one who he still does stuff with. i am special to him. and he is special to me, but not like that...

inside, taysha was over by me, playing with self-check and calling me dumb-dumb. i joked around with her and swatted her hands now and then. my taysha situation is going absolutely nowhere. neither is my terrie situation (she wasn't there today, but every day she is, it goes nowhere). my marie situation is going backwards. and christine is gone. i don't like to take a step back and look at things, not today anyway, because things are pretty depressing from afar.

i switched with helen to stay an extra hour, and the night crew was short people. they've got a guy on vacation, a guy whose grandmother just died, and tyrone can only come in 4 nights, instead of his normal 5. tonight, kiera and matt were the only ones there, and i was teling kiera how i wanted to help. i told her i'd grab a few carts and stock half the store. she laughed, but told matt, and he asked if i would really stay and help. i said yeah, so i did. i didn't get to stock, just face, but it was ok. i got 2 and a half hours overtime. i need the money. i need sleep too.

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