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stupidfool
i don't know what happened at the wedding to make me feel less than human, but i am now wondering if i even have it in me to genuinely love or care about another person. they're such abstract concepts that i'm having trouble coming up with a concrete answer. can you think of any questions you can ask yourself, to gauge whether or not you care about somebody?

(for example, "if a friend needed $20, would you loan it to them?"
my answer would be yes, for pretty much anybody i know. i think there's a difference between knowing how to be a nice person, and actually caring about somebody, though. i think loaning somebody money is more about being a nice person (and always having extra cash on me, and knowing that even if i never see that $20 again, it's not the end of the world). what's a good question that would tell you whether or not you care about somebody, though?)

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how would you feel if you lost them?

ooh, thanks, that's an interesting one... that makes me feel less guilty, because i know i'd be sad to lose more people than i previously thought i cared about...
p.s. where did you come from??

Oh, sorry - I found you through the add me community. I thought you seemed interesting and that we had quite a lot in common, so I added you, but totally forgot to comment! ^^;

I'm a pretty solitary person by nature, so I tend to think how much would I be willing to adapt or change to live with them and how difficult it would be to let them go (without being all needy and dependent)

lol... i knew that one. but do you really think she's the only person in the world i really love? i'm worried that may be the case, but doesn't that make me a crappy person!??

ps how was the wedding? I'm dying to hear about megan's brother!

I found you through an LGBT add me community and when I read some of your entries I thought you sounded interesting. I've been a part of LJ for a very long time (same amount of time as you, actually) but recently decided to start over with this new journal. I have one entry and no interests listed yet! So, I'll understand if you're not in the mood to take an LJ friend chance!
But just so you at least know a little bit about me...
I'm an American living in Brazil with my Brazilian wife.
I'm a lesbian.
I'm 28.
I'm a vegetarian.
I'm finally going back to school, studying nutrition, but I also teach ESL privately (which I hate).
I adore folk music, pop music, dance music, jazz....anything but country or punk really.
I adore reading (currently reading _The Cancer Ward_).
I have a wonderful Boxer dog.

Sooo....I suppose that's the best I can do for now!

OH...and I wanted to make a real comment on this particular entry because I find that I am such a loner so much of the time and ask myself if I'm an awful person for not wanting to be around people....even people I consider friends. :( Just writing that made me feel guilty. It almost seems like the older I get, the more alone I want to be (except for the company of my wife...the one person I never ever get sick of).
I'm sure I didn't help you whatsoever to solve your question....but if anything you have a little more insight into this person who all of a sudden added you! ;P

Re: oh, but to comment

i'm glad i'm not the only one... i do like people, i swear, but i work so much that i really get a good dose of people that way, and if i only saw my friends like once every few months, i don't think i'd even care. i do like them, and i appreciate them, but lots of the time when i'm with them, i find myself wishing i was just at home with my cats!
of course, for you, at least you have your wife. how did you meet her, and did you find that even in the beginning, you always wanted to be around her?
i'm single, and i want a girlfriend, i think... so i'm supposed to be trying to find that kind of meaningful relationship with somebody--you know, the one person that i would still want to spend time with, no matter what--but i just can't feel enough of an attachment to want to force myself to keep getting to know somebody... and if i can't even make myself spend a few days with anybody new, how am i ever going to reach the point where i'm working on happily ever after with them??

Yeah, when I get around my friends I tend to be able to hand about an hour or so....and then I just start daydreaming....and then I just start whinning inside to get home! Now, when it's just ONE other friend, or just another couple that we're hanging out with I seem to do MUCH better. I don't mind it as much at all and can keep my attention on the socializing for a decent amount of time. Hmmm.

Anyway, I think that when you meet the right person you'll know....because you won't want to go home or stop seeing them etc. SOmetimes it just takes awhile to find that person I suppose. And you know? Even if you never find that person....there's no problem not marrying in this life or having a stable, long term relationship. As long as you always comunicate with the person how you're feeling (so that you don't end up stringing them along) I see no problem in it personally.
Just never ever settle! LIfe's too short! ;)

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