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stupidfool
i went to udf before class, and they had mixed everything up, so i had to stick around and make sure it all got fixed. by the time i got to class, there were only 15 minutes left. i discovered that i don't know how to do the homework that's due on wednesday, and skipping 1.5 of the last 2 classes probably is my main problem... i left my bag with molly and went out to lunch again. i'm getting good at that. i got back to class, took the quiz and it was easy. i wish all my classes could be like that...

i went to work. jane smiled at me a few times when i was 7, and i was glad because maybe she does still like me...

terrie bagged for me a little (only because prudy was already gone). she also let me into the office to get stuff for myself, which they don't do for most people... she let me get cigarettes and card applications and pick-up envelopes for self-check... maybe she doesn't hate me, but maybe she does...

terrie is still scary. i never did figure out why terrie is scary... i thought it was because she thought i was a lesbian. way back when i first decided she was scary, i was pretty sure that that's was why it was. but now, everybody thinks i'm a lesbian. i'm not scared of corey... jim knows i'm a lesbian, and i'm not scared of him (in fact, i think we're hanging out tomorrow night). maybe i'm scared of her because i think she hates me? when i thought she thought i was a lesbian, i also thought she was straight, and i thought she hated me for being a lesbian. so maybe that's the consistant part that's keeping her scary, that she hates me, not that she thinks i'm a lesbian. if somebody hates you, is that a good reason to fear them?

anthony claims that he's getting moved to the grocery department. monique got fired, we never replaced eliza, shay dissappeared, taysha is quitting at the end of this week, and anthony is moving to grocery. i would say that rhonda is about due to hire one or more hot single college-aged lesbians to cashier.

my mouth is about a decade or so behind my brain, always. it's why i'm seven. it's why i can't say 'masturbate' to marie. it's why i've said about 4 bad words in my entire life, even though hardly a minute goes by when my head's not cussing at something. my head isn't seven, just my mouth. here, thoughts go straight from my head to my fingers, without ever going through that annoying filter i have for a mouth. everywhere else, i'm seven because people can't tell what i'm thinking if i don't say it, and when i say it, it comes out the mouth of a seven-year-old. my mouth is a pain in the ass.

i think that's all i have to say. tomorrow, i have to attempt to go to that training class again, since i got kicked out the first time. lauren is going to give me a ride up, so i can sleep in a little, and then i have to do that stupid 2-hour bus ride back. tomorrow should be another real world party, but i think jim might be coming over. there's a tv in alana's room, so they could have it in there... they're going to have it without me... maybe jim would like to join our real world party. maybe we can all hang out all night long. wouldn't it be interesting if i came out to them in front of jim? wouldn't it be nice if i could stop thinking about coming out? how come every time i think about lauren or alana or her boyfriend, i think about coming out of the closet? does that mean that i'm about due to do it?

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