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stupidfool
i woke up for my early midterm. it was pretty hard. and then i came back and was really tired, so i was just kinda half-napping on the couch becuae i had an hour before my next class. my roommate jenny is the worst influence in the world. she says 'you look tired, and i'm sure you don't REALLY need to go to your other classes today.' and then she brings out my pillow and a blanket, and covers me up. i didn't mean to take a nap! i didn't mean to go to sleep! i really just meant to be comfortable for that hour. as it turns out, though, i fall asleep on the couch and when i wake up it's 2:55. i'm supposed to be at work at 3. so not only did i sleep through the class that i have a midterm in on wednesday, but i'm also going to be late for work. i feel so guilty. i get dressed real fast and call big bear before i leave. christine answers. i give her a quick explanation 'i'm sorry i accidentally fell asleep for a long time i'm sorry i'm on my way i'm really sorry.' she just laughs and says 'it's ok, don't worry about it.' and then adds 'thanks for calling, loser.'

so i get there and go to get my drawer and teena asks if i had a nice nap. word gets around fast. i say 'it was great, but a little long.' they laugh. christine goes to give me my drawer and asks how are classes. i go to take my drawer and she pulls it back and says 'uh-uh, how are classes?' i tell her it was an accident, i slept! she laughs and gives me my drawer and tells me i better go to them tomorrow. i plan on it. i always plan on it.

jim shows up at 6. he stops by to say hello to me. and every time he needs to come to the front end, he comes by my lane and taps on my counter or makes a face at me, or makes some comment about anything as he walks by. i get my first break and i go straight outside and stay out there the whole time. i come back in and in a bit, i need cigarettes. i go up there and christine gets them. she jokes that next time, i have to keep my hands at my side when i ask. when i think, i put my hands up. not all the way up, just like how you would do if you were surrendering, only i point my fingers a little. it's a little weird. i'm a little weird. i put my hands down and turn pink, and she smiles. sometimes i get the feeling that if there wasn't a counter between us, she would pat me on the head like a little doggie.

when i get my next break, it is dark and raining outside. going outside would be weird, so i go upstairs, past the break room, and sit on the ratty chair in the women's bathroom for my entire break. let him think i have diarrhea or something.

i come back down and christine gives me a fresh drawer and tells me i had a perfect drawer today. at kroger, they always told you if your drawer wasn't perfect. so i had just figured that since they never told me, it was always perfect... i ask 'is that good?' she laughs and says 'yeah it's good, it's perfect.' that wasn't the question i meant to ask. of course perfect is good. but now she's with a customer. i go ask her about an hour later, and she just says usually they don't worry about it if it's only a few cents, but mostly they're never right on.

it's a while later and usually they bring out the key to leave on register 4 for the night guys around 10:30. when christine walks by at 10:45, i ask 'you are going to bring the key for the people to here before?' she is impressed. she says 'wow loser, you're really on the ball today.' and then she goes up there and says to terrie, 'did you hear what loser just said?' and then she repeats my exact question, fucked-up wording and all. terrie laughs at the wording becuase coming from christine, it sounds even dumber. but both of them are impressed that i remembered that. i feel like a little kid, christine saying to terrie 'see, look what little loser did in school today' or something.

then jim comes up and i'm going home in 5 minutes (so is he) and i have no customers. he stands at the end of my line and starts talking to me. like he asks if molly thinks he's weird or something. i say no, and he jokes with me about random stuff for a little. i like him; he makes me laugh. i just wish he liked me the same way i liked him, not more. i don't want to spend all my breaks avoiding him. when i'm laughing and talking with him, christine and terrie walk by. i wonder what they think. i wonder why one of them doesn't do me a favor and mention to jim that i don't like him like that. i guess that's my job, huh? and then greg (one of the night crew) comes over and he says hey to jim so i decide i should leave now, and i get my stuff and go out to the bus stop.

i accidentally put my hand in something sticky on the bench. i go out and stand in the rain and try to rub my hands together in the water to get it off. i can't see if there's anything on them. so i go over and stand under the street light and hold my hands at eye level in the light, trying to find whatever's on them that's sticky. and while i'm standing in the pouring rain inspecting my hands, christine drives by. it makes me laugh. there is no possible way that she can not think i am the craziest thing alive.

ok i have homework due tomorrow that i haven't started yet. i have tomorrow off and so do christine and jim. midterm wednesday. will study sometime...

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