Log in

No account? Create an account
Previous Entry Share Next Entry
i cannot fucking stand it.
a more detailed account on the frustrations of the day:

i can't figure out what to think. she's driving me absolutely insane. i got there a half hour early, and she talked to me the whole time, and that was when she told me she was picking up her boyfriend (who is in the military and has been gone for around a year), which made me miserable, and i acted like it didn't, but decided to stay away from her. then i went on self-check, but she kept calling me up to the desk so she could talk to me and draw on my arms and stick tape on me, and i stuck some on her and we wrestled. then she asked me if molly had gotten me drunk yet, like she wasn't even a part of the plan and she didn't care. but the next time she called me up there, she was asking me if i was going to buy her alcohol, and asking for my phone number, and telling me how she was going to spend the night at my place sometime and get me drunk, and asking me if that's ok. i don't say yes or no because i'm stupid and i'm stuck and i don't even know the answer. i think it's ok. but she's got a fucking boyfriend so it's not ok... what i want isn't what she wants or what she wants isn't what her boyfriend would want or something... god, i don't know... i just want to stay away, but she's addictive. she calls me up there and rubs my back and smiles and i don't want to leave... but the next time i'm up there, she's just talking about how she's going to take her boyfriend to the store and have him buy her stuff, since he owes her since she's picking him up. and then the next time i'm up there, she's poking me in the sides and holding my hands and telling me i'm so cute... and she waits to take her last break until i go on mine, and tells me to come outside and play with fire with her, so i do. i find a piece of newspaper to burn and she steals it from me and wads it up and makes me wrestle her for it, and i wind up with my arms around her waist and she laughs and hugs me back. she sticks the wadded up piece of paper in carefully selected spots, just daring me to reach and get it... up her shirt (i get it out without ever reaching up her shirt) and between her legs (i get it by reaching from under, where she hasn't been so careful about tucking it in neatly). we burn the bottom of my shoe (rubber stinks when burnt) and then she pinches my cheek and gets up to go inside, and i pinch hers and we pass teena, wrestling like that. she calls, 'look, the dynamic duo.' yesterday, me and molly were the dynamic duo. i must be a fucking dynamic person. marie and i go up to the break room and she goes to the bathroom and i go sit on the table, looking at the schedule and smelling the bottom of my shoe (it still smells burnt). she comes in it's just me and her and she smiles and tells me she loves me and comes over to me and wraps an arm around my shoulder and the other around my head, and she pulls me into her, holding my head so it rests on her breasts... we stay like that for a moment. i love it... she smells so fucking good... she feels so fucking good... she has a fucking boyfriend. what the fuck is she doing? i can't move and i can't think of anything to say so i mumble into her arm, 'my shoe still smells like burning.'
she laughs, pokes me, lets go of me, and asks me if she smells. i shrug and say, 'yeah, like marie.'
she asks if it smells bad or good.
it smells fucking good. edible. delicious.
i tell her, 'i dunno, just like marie.'
she laughs and hugs me and then pokes me and leaves and i'm fucking dying. what the fuck is she thinking? what is she doing? does she hold all of her friends like that? does she try to get all of her other friends to reach up her shirt? i can't stand it. i can't fucking stand it. what the fuck is her problem? what the fuck is my problem? and how the fuck do we solve it?