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stupidfool
i miss christine. it hits me, driving home from visiting brandy at work. god, i miss her. i remember, as i downshift into the wrong gear, her saying that she wasn't so good at driving stick, one night when she drove me home. and just that little memory brings back all the pain. i miss her. i want her to be here. i want to see her again... i want to talk to her again... i want to see her smile, to hear her voice... i want her to still care...

yesterday, i hung out with jamie and tara, and then at night, i went to the store to make an exchange, and wound up spending $100 on a pair of shoes i don't need (and buying a pair of $30.00 pants that i really did need). i hope i can talk myself into returning the shoes.

today, i hung out with brandy, and not holly... we talked about her though. brandy still talks to holly all the time. brandy and holly are friends and brandy and me are friends but i still don't get to talk to holly... i like holly.

i bought brandy alcohol. is that against the law?

then i came home for a while. susan from udf called and left a message on the machine at the apartment, molly says. she needs me to work saturday morning, because peter quit or got fired or got transfered (molly's not sure which) and they don't know who else to get. if i do that, here's my schedule:
friday i work a 3-11 p.m. at udf.
i go to the grocery store immediately after that (as soon as i can get there; i'm scheduled at 11) and work 11 p.m.-7 a.m.
i catch a bus home and don't get there until almost 8.
at 10 a.m., she wants me back at udf, until 2.
if i sleep after working 3rd shift, i won't wake up to go to udf, not after less than 2 hours of sleep. so that means if i do it, i'll pretty much work 20 hours straight, without ever getting a chance to sleep or sit down or eat (besides the snacks i can get on my breaks). i'm going to die...

i want to see marie. i'm supposed to go out with alana and her boyfriend tomorrow night, but then i probably won't have time to stop in at the store, and marie is working... so i figure if i'm slow enough about getting back, they'll leave without me, and i can go see marie... i'm dumb. fucking dumb. she's got a fucking boyfriend. she wants him, not me.

i brought brandy some dinner at work, just to see where she worked. there were all these adorable little kids there... there was one little white boy and all the rest of the kids were black and they (all of them) were adorable. they introduced themselves to me and showed off their boo-boos and asked for piggy-back rides, and this one little girl (about 3) just wanted hugs. she would come up to me and ask, 'can i give you a hug?' i would say ok and hug her and she'd run off and play, but 5 minutes later, she'd be back for another hug. brandy rolled her eyes and said if i was around for longer than a day, i'd get sick of it and stop giving her hugs. i'm not sure that i ever would. hugs are good for kids, i think. they probably get kids used to hugs as adults. and then maybe when some bisexual girl gives them a hug, or touches their arm, they won't fall for her because they'll be used to it. or maybe i'm the only one in the world dumb enough to have that problem...