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stupidfool
let's see... last night i wound up going back to the store. it was a huge waste of time (according to logic), but i felt better when i came home. i timed the busses so i was stuck there for 40 minutes or so, while marie was closing self-check, and she talked to me the whole time... and jim's old roommate came in, and marie knew him. the reason she knew him was because about 6 months ago, jim tried to hook marie up with his roommate. they tried to date and they called each other on the phone sometimes... but she thinks he's too old for her, so she kind of started ignoring him, and it was awkward to see him now, in the store. it doesn't occur to me in time to ask her, but huh? if she has a boyfriend, why is jim hooking her up with his roommate? why was she going along with it? if her boyfriend has been gone for a year, doesn't that mean she's been dating him for over a year? so why was she hooking up with this guy 6 months ago? (and when's she gunna hook up with me...?)

i went to bed a little earlier than i meant to, and woke up a little earlier than i meant to.

i went to udf and susan asked me about working saturday morning. i asked if maybe i could work a little earlier, and she was confused, so i explained how i had to go straight from here to work 3rd shift there, and she said she changed her mind. she didn't want to make me work saturday morning after working 16 hours straight. she wouldn't do that to me... AND when she realized that i was in a rush to get out on time, she called ja'lyssa and asked her to come in a half hour early, that way i could clock out at 11 on the dot. she also asked me if i made more here or there, and when i said here, she said she would give me full time here. she said it was something to think about... i could step down to 20 hours/week there, she would give me full time (which would give me another raise), and i could work the same number of hours i'm working now, but make more money. i think that's a good plan... but i hate it. i want to spend my 40 hours with marie and terrie and jane and rashid, not at this stupid place where nobody ever shows up on time or does any work... so i don't know what to do...

i did the grocery order and stocked the cooler. it was all physical labor. that's becoming my job. they don't even ask any more, just assume that they'll get to sit up front and talk while i lift and lug and stock and fill and process...

ja'lyssa didn't come early. she actually wasn't even there when i left. i made marie a milkshake and brought it with me. every saturday, i tell her that i worked at udf in the morning, and she always asks why i didn't bring her a milkshake. i always tell her 'next time,' but in practice, it would never work. i always have an hour between shifts, and a milkshake would never last that long. but today, i was leaving udf, taking molly's car, and going straight there, so i made her one.

i got there and called marie out of the office and told her i brought her a milkshake. she came out and she was wearing this tight thin white shirt. she smiled and gave me a big hug over the low door, and thanked me, and then she let go and talked to me about getting carts. i'm thinking don't stare, don't stare, but i think i stared.

a little later, she came out to show me something, and when we walked back up front, i told her i was going to fall asleep, and she put her arm around my shoulder and told me to just take little naps, and wake up for customers. i put my arm around her and rested my head on her shoulder and told her i needed more than a little nap. she tilted her head so her face was touching my head. i liked it. i like touching her...

before she left for the night, she came over to me and gave me a hug, and i hugged her back and put my head on her shoulder. she's mumbling something about sleeping, and so am i, but it's irrelevant because what matters is this feeling... her body against mine... every time we hug, we hold on a little longer. i can't wait for the day that we never let go...

she leaves, and i get more and more tired. the night drags on... i build a couple endcaps for matt, and i clean everything and get trash and returns and then i just sit and wait. i don't know who decided we needed to become a 24-hour store, but i think it wasn't such a great idea. between 3 a.m. and 5 a.m., i had maybe 1 customer... pointless. i wish i was sleeping.

i wish i was sleeping now too, but i don't want to be that tired at work tomorrow night, and especially not sunday night, when i have to go straight to classes and then straight to udf, so i need to switch up my schedule. i figure if i go to bed around noon, i should be good. so i just have to find something to do for 4 hours...

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