?

Log in

No account? Create an account
Previous Entry Share Next Entry
i think it's contagious
stupidfool
well i've got homework due tomorrow that i haven't started yet. sound familiar? i know, it's the story of my life... i'm not in a homework mood though. later. so for now, here's my day:

i went to my midterm and skipped my other classes. the midterm was... i don't know. sometimes you just don't know. i'll find out later. then i came back here and somehow wasted a few hours.

then i caught a bus to work. jack was on the bus. jack is this guy i've known since i was in first grade. we are now in the same major, and he's in most my classes. he was also my lab partner for the programming class i took last semester. he and i were great together becuase we are both absolutely lazy, but still want the a. so we are both content with putting forth the minimum amount of effort required to get an a. we got comments from the grader on everything we turned in, telling us that this or that was inefficient or that we didn't comment enough, but since our programs always worked and most group's didn't, they couldn't do much about it. we ended up with 2 of the only 4 a's in the class. when i'm in a group with smart kids who want to be perfect, i feel guilty slacking, but this was great. we discussed being in a group for the programming class we have to take next semester. that would be cool.

then i get there and christine is there. she's not closing tonight. she's going home in 2 hours, so that's sad, but jim has today off, and that's a very good thing. i go up to get my drawer and christine asks about classes and i tell her i went to one for my midterm. she says 'loser, i'm dissapointed in you.'
i tell her 'yeah, i'm dissapointed in me too. i think i should quit.' she cracks up. like, so much that she doubles over and puts her head on the counter. i am confused... i didn't even know i said anything out of the ordinary.
i say half-heartedly 'i was serious.'
christine is laughing too hard to even hear me, but terrie says, laughing, 'it's not that, kiddo. it's just the way you said it. you're just so cute.' christine tells me that i'm cute almost as often as she tells me she loves me, but i'm not used to hearing it from amyone else at all. she's rubbing off on them. this is weird.

i go out to find jp, who is coordinator. i'm still thinking about why terrie would say that, so when i find him, i don't really know what i mean to ask him. i point to my drawer in my hand and can't think of the right question. so i stand there, pointing in silence, and he says 'yes loser, that's your drawer.' i say 'yeah but i need a poppy-out thing to put it in.' he laughs and says 'loser, you're so cute.' i haven't even been here for 5 minutes...

i go up to the service desk for something, and am standing by the gate-door-type thing. and then christine comes up and needs something too, and stands right next to me in the doorway. both of us in the width of a door. she is close. holy shit, she smells good. is it strange to enjoy the smell of someone sooo much? i would gladly stand in that spot for the rest of my life, just smelling her. it's fucking intoxicating, i swear.

later, marie and i are in the same position as me and christine were. i can smell her too, but i hardly notice. everyone has a smell. not everyone has a smell that i love way too much. i don't know, that just helps me compare and contrast them in my mind, marie and christine. i like marie becuase i am intrigued by what she might be, and she is sometimes nice. i like christine becuase i just like her, the kind of like you can't even begin to control or explain.

we are busy and some people called off, so they get sam, the girl from floral, to come up and run register. sam is jane's sister. sam and christine get along very well and christine bags for sam and they have fun and laugh a lot and i hear and it makes me ache...

then i run for a while and then christine leaves. jim comes in. he's in street clothes, and he stands a few registers away and talks to brian. then he comes over to my register and i ask why he's here, and he says he had 'something to take care of.' i have customers, so he stands there for a while, but can't really talk to me. and then he says bye and leaves. then christine comes back, in the same pants she wore to work, but a regular t-shirt. actually, it's pretty bright orange, and i spend the next 20 minutes on the lookout for that bright shirt. when she comes back up, she only has like 4 items and i'm on express. sam has moved down so she's one in front of me. there's one guy with one thing in my line and one person with a full order in sam's line. christine goes through sam's line anyway. i take 5 customers before sam even starts christine's order. and they talk and laugh and i want to cry. then she leaves. she doesn't even acknowledge me at all. i want to be sam. i want to be jp. i want to be christine. i want to be anybody but me.

then a long time passes, and i get my first break. i go back to the break room, and tommy comes up there and walks by and flips me off. and then again from the other direction. this isn't abnormal. but then he comes in and sits down. this IS abnormal. see, there's a huge difference between tommy and jim. jim sneaks up and sits down and talks to me for 20 minutes straight. jim is an excellent conversationalist. seriously. he can keep a conversation going so it doesn't feel forced, but there are no awkward pauses. and he asks the most perfect open-ended questions, so it never feels like he is monopolizing the conversation. he shifts effortlessly from one topic to the next, blending them together so you don't even notice that there's a new subject. talking with jim is just natural. it makes me wish i was straight. tommy, on the other hand, isn't so much of a talker. it could have something to do with 12 years less experience at talking, or it could just be his personality. so tommy will sit and talk when jim or zeke or someone is sitting and talking. but if neither of them are there, he will come in and talk only if he has something to say. and then when he's done saying it, he leaves. he will spend 15 minutes walking back and forth across the door, flipping me off and throwing things at me and making me laugh with his antics. and if, in this 15 minute period, i ask him a question, or he thinks of a question, he'll come in while we discuss it. but when the discussion's over, he leaves and goes back to flipping me off and tossing things at me or dropkicking things at me... but today, he comes in and sits down. he's not on break. and then he starts asking the most boring questions, like 'how are you?' and 'how's life treating you?' and 'are you having fun?' so i'll answer his questions and ask him something else, like 'what's the letters (pwg) on your necklace stand for?' (psycho white guy). but i run out of questions fast, and then there's just these long awkward pauses while he comes up with another normal question to ask, like 'how's school?' this is strange. i can't figure out why he suddenly feels like he has to talk to me... jim must be rubbing off on him. so this awkwardness goes on for about 7 or 8 minutes, and then he says 'ok, i'm going to be a good worker now.' i laugh and say sure, and he leaves. and then, when i'm sure he's gone, he pops his head back in the doorway and flips me off and i laugh. that's more like the tommy i know... he does that a few times with these goofy looks on his face, and i just laugh. that's better... what was with him before? i don't mind people trying to talk to me, but i'm sure not a very good talker... ask anyone and they'll sure tell you that... i don't even know why he would want to talk to me. i'm not very exciting. and those questions sure weren't very exciting either, but i guess you gotta give him credit for the effort. i don't know. i'm confused. everyone is turning into jim or christine.

so then i go back out there, and i'm on 6. helen is on 7 and marie is on 8, but she bags for helen. so i need to clean my belts but there's no cleaning stuff under my register. so i go over and look under helen's. marie asks what i'm looking for. i forget and make a squirting motion with my hand and say 'ummm... that washing device...' and head over to look under 8. she laughs and i remember the word and say 'yeah, spic-n-span.' she laughs a little too hard and i whine 'what????' she laughs and says 'i love you loser.' at least i can practically explain this one. just this saturday, she heard christine say this to me. and marie likes christine way too much, so it wouldn't surprise me at all if she says or does things just because she knows christine says or does them. but still...

then a little later, i get a big check and when i go to get it oked, teena does it. she uses my pen, writes on the check, gives the check back to me, and then starts to leave with my pen. i protest 'wait, can i have my writing?' she laughs and says 'your what?' i put a hand on my head and think hard and i can't even remember the word. i'm worse than a foreigner when it comes to language, i swear. i ask her 'what do you call it again?' she laughs and says 'loser, you're so cute.' oh my god, this is just too much. she says 'pen' as she hands it back to me. not teena too... since when am i cute? christine can say that because she's been saying it ever since i met her and i'm used to it by now. (hmmm... or becuase christine can say anything she wants to say and i will still think she's the greatest thing alive...) but what's with everyone else?? i am 19 and i can't talk right. that's not cute. and it's certainly not a good reason to love me!

then jp asks me if i want my break now. i figure he means now as opposed to later, so i say i don't care. i guess he must have meant now as opposed to never, becuase i never got my last break.

we're not busy and i'm bored. jeff finds little scraps of paper on the floor, picks them up, wads them up, and flicks them at me. so i flick them back. and we wind up in an all-out paper-flicking war. boy do i stink at flicking paper wads. i hit a customer, teena, the register 2 down, my own toes, and everything but jeff. (the customer is real good-natured, and just laughs, jokes like she's insulted, mock-threatens to report me to my boss, and then picks up the wad of paper and throws it back at me.) my aim is making us laugh like crazy, and the more i laugh, the worse my aim is... after a while of this, teena gets tired of our laughter (i'm pretty sure it's illegal to have too much fun in a grocery store), and asks which one of us wants to go out and bring in some carts. jeff doesn't volunteer, so i say i will. i take all the wads that have collected behind me (about 20), and toss them all at him at once on my way outside. he protests 'hey that's cheating! cheater... cheater...' until i get outside and can't hear him anymore. it was raining earlier, but now it's just hot and humid. it takes me 5 minutes to break into a sweat. tommy leaves for the night while i'm bringing in carts. he asks why they have me doing that (usually the baggers do it, but they're all home for the night, and most people will make a guy do it before they make a girl do it.) i shrug and say 'somebody had to do it.' and he flips me off and leaves. and jeff leaves too and waves to me from the van window. he's 17, but his parents still pick him up, or i don't doubt that he would have stopped the car and dumped a whole bagful of paper wads on my head.

i come inside and i'm so sweaty that i probably look like i just ran a marathon. helen is the only register and she's slow... the line is huge. so i go on register and the customers all have comments on my appearance. 'gee you look hot,' and similar perceptive observations. and then i've cooled off and it's time to leave so i do. on my way out, helen comments 'i didn't know your hair was curly.' (it's not usually, but the humidity just curls it like crazy. when my hair's up, i normally have all these short strands of hair that get tucked neatly behind my ears, and little bangs that hang straight... but when i go out in the humidity, they just CURL. all these fine springy curls framing my face.) she tells me 'you look so cute, like a little baby.' i just laugh. i am no longer a 7-year-old. i have been demoted to baby. at least this comment was based on appearance. i definitely find those curls to be more annoying than cute, but i think it's much more acceptable to call someone cute becuase of their appearance than it is to call them cute becuase they can't talk correctly.

so i think i'm probably being paranoid again, but i can't help but wonder if they're ganging up or something. maybe it's some sort of plot... like, 'everybody, either treat loser like christine does, or if you're a guy, you can attempt to act like jim. let's see how she reacts.' i can't really decide what the point of that plan would be, so i guess i'm just being dumb. but if i'm being dumb, then today was a really strange day.

  • 1
LOL holy shit chick you totally made up for your last short one lol. Well gotta go, Im in class :P ciao

hehe, yea, work does that to me... short entries on my days off and long ones when i work.
(of course, maybe if certain other people would update their journals more often and give me something to read, i wouldn't have to spend so much time writing... lol, or more likely, that would make no difference at all, but i don't believe you've done absolutely NOTHING since mothers day...)

  • 1