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i think i take up space like a guy. i went to my womens studies class today, and the teacher mentioned something about how society conditions girls and guys to behave differently, and that's evident in things as simple as how we take up space. i looked around and almost all the girls were sitting like they were wearing skirts, even if they weren't, with their legs together or crossed. the few guys had their legs spread. so did i... i was leaned back in my chair, both feet planted on the ground, a foot or so apart. do i do that because i'm a lesbian? for the rest of the day, i watched how people take up space. i sit on the bus like the guys do. i think i stand at my register just like everybody else does... i couldn't see a difference between the guys and the girls... but if i sit like a guy, does that mean that i somehow missed society's lessons, or did i just accidentally learn what they were trying to tell the boys? maybe i'm rebelling against societal norms... or maybe guys just take up space like that because they think it's comfortable. i think it's comfortable... do most girls think it's comfortable to sit with their legs together? who can i ask that? where are all my normal-sitting female friends who wouldn't wonder why i'm asking that question?

anyway, i can't really remember much that happened between sunday evening at 5 p.m.(when i woke up) and monday night around midnight, when i went to bed. i couldn't sleep that night (day?) because i was sick. then i was awake for 32 straight hours. i took insane amounts of some cold & sinus medicine, and today, i noticed that it warns that it may cause drowsiness, which was definitely the last thing i needed... i went to work the night shift and marie was there at the beginning and she gave me a lighter. on my break, i took rashid's name tag outside and burnt it. it smelled bad but it was pretty. jane apologized to me for scheduling me for that shift the night before classes started. she also apologized to molly for scheduling me for that shift the night before classes started. in fact, she had a whole conversation with molly about it before i arrived, asking if molly figured i would be ok, and if molly thought jane should come in early, or if i could do it, and if molly thought i was upset. to me, all jane said was 'sorry.' molly is not my mother. she's not my sister. and she's certainly not me. how should she know what i think? molly doesn't mind when people do that to us. (in fact, sometimes i think she likes it.) i mind. we're separate people.
that's all i remember about that... i went to classes when i got off work and it was hot outside and i thought i might pass out walking between classes. i went to udf and erica was over a half hour late, so i had to work almost 9 hours. i was dead. holly sent me messages, on aim, by accident. i had an away message up: zombie. it was all i could think to type, because i felt like one. she had thought i was somebody else, but then she remembered i was me, and typed 'sorry' and 'how embarassing' and stuff... and 'talk to you later.' i want to talk to holly later...

then i slept. i love sleep :-).

today there were classes. in my math class, we have homework EVERY night. lots of it. i'm already behind because in my zombie-like state monday, i didn't realize i had stuff to do for the next day. in my womens studies class... well, we talked about taking up space. and i noticed a girl in a wifebeater with a rainbow tattoo. i still vote that all gays should have purple skin from the start.

i went to work. terrie came in, wearing a tight shirt and tight pants and i think i realized that i'm only lying to myself when i say i don't like her body anymore, or that i'm over her, or whatever bullshit i had convinced myself of... i forget, exactly, but i clearly remember trying to convince the sfb that my fascination with terrie had nothing to do with her appearance... ok, man, you win... a more correct statement would be: i'm not obsessed with terrie's body anymore. i'm too busy being obsessed with marie's body. but terrie is still HOT.
(i do still think that my fasicnation with terrie involves something (don't know what) more than her fine body, even if it is a major part.)

i think i changed my mind, and jamal is nice again. anthony wasn't there, and jamal talked to me a lot. we took a break together, and just talked about jd, which led us to the welcome to atlanta remix, which led us to murphy lee, which led us to nelly & the st. lunatics... when it comes to hip-hop, jamal and me are on the same page... we both agree that as a pop artist, nelly is fine, but as a rapper... well, there are better. the only thing is, he still picks jay-z over nas, even though he agrees that nas tore jigga up on ether. i didn't think i had 15 minutes worth of opinion about any of that, but i did, with help from him...

later, he was holding some paper like he was about to blaze it up, and i told him, 'smoke weed every day.'
he said i couldn't say that. he says dre can say that becuase he's a brotha. but i'm not a brotha. or a sista. i'm just a sister. sisters and brothers have to say, 'smoke weed on a daily basis.' only sistas and brothas can says, 'smoke weed every day.'
this may have been a racist statement, but i thought it was entirely ridiculous, and tried putting that in tune. go ahead, just try fitting 7 syllables into 3... then he started trying to fit it too, and i got on his case for being a brotha and saying 'on a daily basis,' when that's a brother's phrase.
i'm pretty sure my womans studies teachers would have had some issues with this entire conversation, but we both thought it was funny.

i came home and did 2 days worth of homework. i kept getting distracted, so it took me way longer than it should have... it's nearly 3... i'm going to get 7 hours of sleep or less, and i need more, especially because i'm still trying to get over this cold... maybe i'll skip class...

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well i hate sitting with my legs together and or crossed.. but i try not to have them spread apart either.. .. when i sit on my chair i put one bent up and under the other and the other just hangs.. i am deff a female but not dressy femm that doesnt make sense but oh well.. i am sortry you have been siuck and trying to go to school. being sick and sleeping due to being sick is not good. i hate that feeling.. well good luck on your school work.. have a good night and get some rest.. smiles

Smoke weed daily?

Not that I would advocate that of course :P


oh, me either... daily is a bit much:-) i'm just trying to quote dr. dre, but evidently, i'm too white. i'll have to run that shorter version by jamal... maybe a sister is allowed to say 'smoke weed daily.'

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