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katie's ex-boyfriend's away message:
my mind's telling me no... but my body, my body's telling me yes... i don't see nothing wrong with a little statuatory rape...
i laughed and sent it to molly, who thought i was an awful person for being amused, until i explained the whole r. kelly situation, and by that time, it had lost most of its humor.

i got a 75% on the quiz i didn't study for. the class average was a 67% and we get a curve... so whatever.

terrie was at work today, and i am still inexplicably afraid of her. i didn't say one word to her, and she said nothing to me, but from self-check, i listened to her complain, and make fun of stupid customers, and i'm pretty sure i'm going to be terrie when i grow up.

i am frustrating myself today. i am being 7 years old and i can't stop. i drink helium from balloons and throw bells and juggle the balls and i don't realize it's immature until it's too late, every time. i just forget to think. marie keeps scolding me, like i'm a little kid, and i deserve it. i can't even act my age long enough to have a real conversation with her. it doesn't matter, i guess, because marie is playing games anyway. she told me she hates the world, and then added, 'not you. i'm in love with you,' but i know she doesn't mean it.
she invited me to her party again, and said she was going to come pick me up from work tomorrow, so i could buy her alcohol and then come to her party. i don't believe her. if she actually showed up tomorrow, i would have a heart attack.
she invited me to go see chip-n-dales (i don't know how to spell that) with a bunch of them on sunday. i don't think i would get into watching female strippers... i would just feel uncomfortable. and male strippers? you've got to be kidding me... i told her i had to work.
she twists my arm around, gives me bruises and indian burns, and cuts me with her nails, and puts bite marks on my wrist, like she's an animal or something. i'm stupid, though, because when she decides she wants to inflict pain on me, i don't put up much of a fight... because she's touching me, and chances are, if she wasn't hurting me, she wouldn't be touching me. does that make me masochistic, or just desparate?
i make sure that she realizes that i won't see her again for over a week. she says 'fuck' a lot, to make up for the days she won't be able to say it for me. when she leaves, she says bye to me, and gives me a hug. i hug her back, but by the time my arms make it around her, she's letting go. she leaves and i kick the table in frustration. i just wanted to rest in her arms for a minute, just to remember what it feels like... i don't want to watch her flirt with dustin and her little gay boy and even sam (a girl)... i don't want her to be willing to pay $20 to go watch guys take their clothes off. i don't want to hear her telling kelly about the time she was pregnant and her doctor recommended maloxx. i don't want to watch her and alyssa talk about things, and i don't want them to stop talking when i show up, like these topics are too private or too serious for my little ears. and i don't want her to tell me she loves me when she doesn't mean it. i hate this...

i have a headache, maybe from inhaling too much helium. can you get a headache from that? and i'm tired, mostly from getting carts all day. i tell marie to do it herself, because dana and terrie and art and everybody else who coordinates takes a turn, but marie tells me i'm better at it. that worked on my sister, when i was 7. i'd tell her i couldn't find the lego i needed in the bin, but she had magical eyes, and she was much better at it. she would look, because she really thought i couldn't find it, and she really thought she was better at it than me. she never figured out that i was just too lazy to dig through the bin. i know the trick, but it works on me, now, because as she says it, she reaches out and strokes my face and adds that she loves me, and i can't say 'no' any more, so i get the carts.

i'm getting dizzy. no more helium for me, ever. i'm going to bed.