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today, nikki and i went to see like mike, and then we went out to eat afterwards, just to catch up. we talked a lot, and she told me about all her guy troubles... and i told her about the jello shots. when i mentioned that marie was there, she wanted to know who marie was, and she wanted to know about marie. i told her everything bad about marie. i made marie into this awful person. i told her how rashid hated her, and how her mom has to stalk her to keep her away from drugs and sex. i even told her the story about marie and christine, and how marie tried to get with christine when christine had a girlfriend and had no interest in marie. i got graphic with it, too. i told her how amit had said that marie's plan was to get me drunk so she could hook up with me. i told her how marie wanted to live with us, maybe. i leave out everything good about her, like how she cares and how she gives me rides homes and worries about me when i'm upset, and how nice her arms feel when they're around me. i think i did this in the hopes that if i could convince nikki that marie is an awful person, she could turn around and convince me that marie is an awful person, so i can get over her and get on with my life... convincing nikki was easy, but neither of us could convince me of it... and now i'm mad at myself, because nikki worries about me, and when nikki worries about me, she shares it with other people who care about me, like katie, or my parents, or lauren or alana, or really, anybody who will listen. so if i start spending more time with marie, or if (heaven forbid) marie winds up living with us, i'm sure nikki will worry. she'll tell everybody all about marie, so they can all 'help' me, and she doesn't even know the whole story. it probably won't ever matter, but i just wish i could keep my mouth shut sometimes, and deal with things on my own, instead of telling half-truths to everyone i know...


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