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what's a girl to do?
nothing's changed. marie is still playing games.
i'm due for a break at 9, and marie and non-pregnant kelly are behind, so marie tells me i can't have one until 11 (i go home at 11:30). i have to pee, and i tell her that. marie gets all huffy and says fine, she'll run self-check while i pee FAST, but they're really behind and i can't take my break until 11. i do whatever she says. i'm not going to pee my pants for her, but other than that, i just let her push me around. so i say ok... i pee fast, and when i come back, she says 'i've got to pee too. tell kelly i'll be right back.'
only she doesn't go straight to the bathroom. she takes the long way, going down the aisle where both tyrone and kyle are stocking. she talks to tyrone for a few minutes, and then hangs all over kyle for a while longer. then she dissappears from my view, but in a few minutes, i hear her call paul over the intercom. 5 minutes later, she comes back up the same aisle, stopping again to talk to both kyle and tyrone before she finally gets back to helping kelly. it's been 20 minutes, and i didn't pee for longer than 5... they don't have time for me to take a 15-minute break when i'm due for one, but there's time enough for marie to take a 15-minute break on the clock? i'm mad. i'm sure part of it is jealously (you don't see her talking to me during that time. no, she's still mad at me for having to pee...), but i'm pretty sure this anger is partly justified... i glare at her, and she asks, 'you'll take one at 11, right?'
'yeah, 11 for me, but you go ahead and take your time talking to everybody in the store. it's ok. i know you don't have time to run me a break,' i tell her sarcastically.
she makes some dumb excuse.
later, i go up for some change when marie's the only one in the office. she comes over to me to take the $5, and i hold it out and step back, telling her to stay away from my neck (she's been pinching it hard all day) because it still hurts. she asks if i'm mad at her, and i turn around and start stocking cigarettes, completely ignoring the question. she goes to get my change. she calls me from inside the office. i look over there and she's holding my change, so i walk over to get it. i reach out for it and she takes a step back, so i take a step forward, and she takes another step back, so i step forward again... now we're both inside the office, and nobody can see us, so she steps towards me, slides the roll of coins into my palm, and gently kisses my neck.
'better?' she asks, sliding her arms around me.
of course it is. my neck feels much better and my anger is gone. i can't dislike her when her arms are around me and i can still feel her lips on my neck... i reluctantly mumble, 'yeah,' and as soon as i've said it, she says 'good,' lets go of me, and turns around to do work.
now i'm mad again. i'm mad at her, for being so manipulative, and mad at me for being so easy to manipulate...
after that, the rest of her night revolves around tyrone and kyle. she hangs all over kyle, and keira talks about how kyle is her boyfriend (he's not really, but i think he likes the attention she gives him), and i simmer. at 11, i take my break. marie and kelly really are behind, so even though marie's supposed to be off when i am, i have to wait around for them to finish.
she takes me home, and we don't talk talk, just she complains about how i live so far away, and shows no interest in me because i think she's still thinking about kyle and tyrone, who we passed on our way out. i mutter that i'm sorry i made her take me home (she volunteered) and i simmer some more. but when we get to my place, she holds out her hand for mine, and just like always, i give it to her. she laces her fingers through mine, pulls my hand over to her face, and kisses it tenderly. then she says, her voice sticky sugar sweet, 'bye debbie.'
i melt. i can't help it. i like her so much... she's fake, and i know she's only playing a game, and i know that i'm letting her win... but i can't help it. it's like going one-on-one with a.i. i don't stand a chance...
i come upstairs and collapse on my bed. i lie there in the dark, hugging my pillow and wishing it was marie... fuck, she was in my bed... why can't it all be like that, just holding and talking and cuddling and caring? was that all a game too? was that not for real?