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it's been a long time, been a long time, been a long lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely time...
stupidfool
well actually, it's only been 2 days. but it feels like quite a long time, anyway...

why does it feel so long? well, here goes...

thursday night, i tried to sleep. without ac, my attempts were highly unsuccessful. i went to the main room for a little, but molly came home and cooked. i probably slept about an hour total. i didn't go to class because i was too tired. instead, i moved back to the bedroom and tried to sleep... but it was too fucking hot... i need a window in my bedroom...
finally, i got up and wandered around the house for a while. i spent most of my time looking in the refridgerator, not because i was hungry, but because the cold air felt wonderful. i took an ice cold shower and went straight to udf, before i had time to thaw out. i worked 8 hours there, got in molly's car, and drove straight to the grocery store to do another 8 hours.

i got there and alyssa and non-pregnant kelly were standing outside the office. i went over to them, and before i even said anything, alyssa said, 'you look tired.'
kelly asked, 'is your air still broken?'
i said yeah. marie called from in the office, 'do i hear my little debbie? come in here...'
i went in and she looked at me and said, 'awww, you are sleepy... come here...'
she wraps her arms around me and pulls my head onto her shoulder. 'there now, go to sleep,' she tells me.
i wish i could... i rest on her for a while, and finally, she leaves me on her shoulder, but lets go with her other arm and starts counting money again. she tells me to count the rolls of coins behind her, so i do, over her shoulder. eventually, we get in each others' way, and we move so we're standing where you would normally stand to count the money.

somebody brings up terrie. alyssa says how terrie's technically still living with christine, but she just disappeared. i'm not sure who 'she' is. did christine disappear, or did terrie? then alyssa adds that terrie's living with her girlfriend now. does that mean that terrie disappeared, and christine is still here? i miss christine...
i ask if terrie's girlfriend is the one who brought her food once, and alyssa says yeah.
kelly says, 'that suprised me.'
'that she brought her food?' i ask.
kelly starts, 'no, that-'
marie cuts her off, 'that she's a lesbian?'
'no, that-'
'that terrie moved in with her so quickly?' alyssa asks.
'no!' kelly exclaims. this time, we keep our mouths shut and let her finish. 'her girlfriend surprised me. i had expected a young pretty girl... not that this girl wasn't pretty, but, well i don't know... and she was old...'
'terrie likes older women,' alyssa states.
'yeah, she'll say it too, if you ask her,' marie adds.
i didn't know that...
'cept for prudy,' i offer.
alyssa and marie laugh. kelly doesn't know who prudy is, so they fill her in... alyssa adds, 'and jacqui.'
jacqui is the new assistant manager. (if you haven't been keeping tabs on this, ann is still the manager. joel is the new assistant manager, and he's been here for about a month. jacqui is the other assistant manager, and she's been here for a few weeks, but evidently, she was here for a short stint a few years ago, before i worked here.) i don't think jacqui is hot. i suppose she's got a pretty face, but she's not my type at all (jay might like her, though.) she's built a lot like jane, who i don't think is attractive either. they're both short and thick, and they've got really big boobs and butts. anyway, i had no idea that terrie thought anything of jacqui, so i ask, 'what?!?!'
kelly laughs and asks, 'you didn't know that? damn, jacqui came down to the office the other day, and terrie was sooo nervous... her whole face and neck turned red, and finally, she told me to handle it because she "had to go to the bathroom," and she ran out of the office like she was about to pee herself!'
we all laugh, and alyssa says, 'but the funniest thing was the other day, when terrie was walking behind jacqui...'
'why?' i ask.
'jacqui was wearing pants that were pretty tight, i guess, and you could see her butt... and terrie was walking behind her on the way upstairs, and only me and her and jacqui were in the stairwell, and jacqui couldn't see her because she was in front... terrie was staring at her ass and i swear her mouth was open so wide her jaw was about to scrape the ground... and then she noticed me looking at her, and i was laughing... she shook her head at me and put her hands palms-out, right behind jacqui's ass, and just made this squeezing motion... it was hilarious.'
alyssa demonstrates the hand-motion, and we all laugh.
so if terrie thinks jacqui is that hot, and i think jacqui is built like jane, i wonder if terrie has ever been attracted to jane. i wonder if there was ever a time when terrie was to jane as i was to alana. (in SAT terms, terrie : jane :: debbie : alana?) i wonder if they've ever messed around when they were drunk. when you're old, do you do that sort of things with your best friend?
then they get back to the topic of christine, and alyssa says how it was dumb of her to come back. marie agrees, and so does kelly... kelly's never even met christine, but they're all sitting here talking about christine, and how awful it was of her to take the money, and how stupid of her it was to come back, and i want to defend christine, but i don't even know what to say, and i wind up defending the police by accident...
then alyssa goes home, and i wander out to actually do some work.

(fyi, that entire conversation was lj-worthy because:
1) i like to talk about lesbians who think girls are hot
2) i like to talk about terrie
3) i love to talk about christine
4) i like to talk to people when i'm not the 7-year-old, and in this conversation, i wasn't.)

when marie left for the night, kyle was up front. she said bye to me, but was much more interested in him... kelly asked me if i was going to make it through the night, and marie tore her eyes away from kyle and said, 'she'll make it.' then she reached out and cupped her hand over my face and asked, 'won't you?'
'maybe,' i mumble, and rest the entire weight of my head on her hand.
she laughs and says, 'don't you dare drool on me,' and then after a few seconds, she moves her hand and tells kyle to walk her out to her car.

the night drags on. i find stuff to do. i make molly bring me up a whole cart of checklane candy, and i put it out slowly, so i can keep my mind off of my sleepiness. i finally get bored, and i go snooping around in some stuff up at the desk. i find kinitra's availability sheet. she's 17. that's better than 16, right?
then i analyze her handwriting. i used to try to write girly. it never came out girly looking, though. it always just looked sorta gender-neutral, and childish. my handwriting looked a lot like holly's, coincidentally. then i discovered christine's handwriting. she writes in all caps, and because christine is perfect, i decided i should do that too. it took some getting used to, but now i like it better than the old way. i think it looks much neater than my old childish handwriting, or even the frilly girly handwriting i was aiming for. (when my sister discovered my new handwriting, she looked at me in disgust, and said, 'ewww, you write in all caps?' when i told her i did, she said that only boys write like that, and people will think i want to be a boy if i keep writing that way...) anyway, kinitra writes like i write, and i write like christine writes, except christine doesn't cross her 7s, and i do. so does kinitra. all 3 of us use all caps. if she writes in all caps and walks with a little swagger and wears boys' shorts and shoes, does that make her a lesbian? (i know the answer is no, but come on, doesn't it make it more likely that she's a lesbian?)

finally, 7:30 a.m. rolls around, and i get to go home. i take a step inside my room, and i know i won't be able to sleep in it. i put on a wifebeater and some shorts and i start to move my pillow back out to the couch, when all of a sudden, lauren shows up. she hasn't been here all summer. she's moving out, right now. there is no way i can sleep in the main room while lauren moves out. and she's got so much junk that it will take her at least 2 hours to get it all out of here... and i have to be back at udf in 7 hours. i can't wait that long to sleep. so i stuff a little couch pillow into my bookbag and head out to campus. campus buildings are locked on weekends, except for the 24-hour computer lab. however, if you go up a floor from the computer lab, there's a passageway from that building to the building next door. from that building, you can take a bridge to the building across the street, and in that building, there is a student lounge with tables, chairs, and a few couches. i didn't even take the pillow out of the backpack. i just collapsed onto a couch and fell asleep.

i woke up exactly 1.5 hours later, and i was freezing. i was covered in goosebumps and i was shivering. my clothing choice was ideal for sleeping in the sauna i have for a bedroom, but in an air conditioned building, i need either more clothes or a blanket, and i have neither. i try to go back to sleep, but it's way too cold for that. i go outside and lay down in a grassy patch, but it's a football saturday, and noisy people are already heading to the game... so i get up and stumble home. lauren is gone. i take over the couch and fall asleep. an hour later (a little after 11:30), molly gets home and starts assmebling boxes and ripping tape and packing stuff up, and every time i'm about to fall asleep, a loud RRRIPPP jolts me back awake. finally, i steal a fan from alana's room and take it to my bedroom with me. the fan was nearly pointless. it was just blowing really hot air at me. it was practically like trying to cool off with a blowdrier on high. it just didn't work... at 1, i still haven't slept a wink since molly showed up, so i get up and shower again. i play video games with molly for a few hours, and then i go to udf. there are a million people there, in school colors, and they all want beer and gatorade and water... susan had predicted this, and had scheduled me to work the cooler the entire time. i kept busy and cool, and after 5 hours, i went back home. i napped on the couch for an hour, until alana and extra came in and woke me up. at least they felt bad for it, when they realized that i had been sleeping... it was nearly time to go back to the grocery store, anyway, so i just got up for the night.

i went to work. marie wasn't there, and tonight, i was too sleepy to even try to keep busy. i barely moved an inch all night long... i don't remember much about it either. all i know is that when jane came in at 6:30 in the morning, she said that she was going to move me to the office soon, like before school starts. i don't know if i believe her. at 7:30, i went home.

add that up. in 2 days, i slept ~3.5 hours and worked ~30 hours. i was nearly dead. but sunday morning, the temperature outside was actually comfortable. in our house, even with the windows open, it was a few degrees hotter. in the hallway, it was a few degrees hotter than that, and in my bedroom, a few degrees hotter... but i took a cold shower, got a fan from molly's room and one from alana's room, and fell right asleep in my bed. i only got to sleep for 7 hours, because i had to get up and go back to work, but 7 hours was wonderful compared to what i had been getting...

work was work.
alyssa is sick, so they send her home early.
marie is marie. when i first come in, she's thrilled to see me, and she hugs me and touches me and kisses my cheek and makes me feel loved. she tells me she loves me and i say nothing, so she repeats herself and i say, 'ok.' kelly laughs. marie tells me i'm funny. as the night wears on, she gets sick of me, and turns her attention to kyle and paul. i am jealous.
rashid is fun. i agree to work the night shift tuesday night for him.
i mess up, lie, and feel right guilty for it, because i nearly got caught. i think i did, actually, but non-pregnant kelly won't accuse me, flat-out... so now i just sit around and wonder if she thinks of me worse today than she did yesterday. kelly used to like me, i know... and i think now she might think i'm a big fat liar... maybe tomorrow, she'll be on terrie's side...
terrie is off today. jacqui is here, and i can't see her from terrie's perspective, even when i try.
i joke with sam a lot. i think sam is fun. he visits me on self-check all the time, and we color coins with permanent markers and draw sunglasses on george washington. i tell him he has a fun name, and i say it lots of times in a row. i tell him from now on, i'm going to call him 'samsamsam.' he says he'll call me the hillbilly name that alyssa and marie made up for me.
kinitra goes through my line with her mom when she leaves for the day. i tell her 'see ya' when she leaves. that girl is fine...
rashid and sam talk while i ring up a customer, and i go over there, complaining about stupid people who can't read signs (just like terrie always does... i am going to be terrie when i grow up... nooo...). sam says, 'i love you, debbie.' i say, 'thank you,' and then i continue my rant. rashid and him laugh. i wonder if sam got that idea from marie...
when sam goes home, rashid says that sam likes me. he says sam told him so, for real. i hope he's making that up...

so now i get to go to bed. actually, i have problems. tomorrow, i have class and then i work. tuesday, i have class and then i have an hour break before i take a final, and then i have to work the night shift for rashid. then i get an 8-hour break (i need to sleep) and i have to go take my last final. so basically, unless i decide to stay up late or get up early to study, i'm going to study an hour for one final, and the only studying i'll do for the other is whatever i can get done at work, overnight... but hey, in 3 days, i'll be completely done with school for almost an entire month! yeeeahhh...

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