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stupidfool
i took a final and a nap, and then i went to work. marie was there, and had me come in the office with her and count a drawer, and then a little later, she called me back in there and said she needed a hug, and i gave her one, for a long time... tasha was in there. it didn't matter. then she wrote me a list of things to do. i've done the night shift enough now that i know what to do, but i like it when she writes me notes because i like marie... i sat on a shopping cart while she wrote it, and i got uncomfortable, so i sank down into the cart. i had already set it up to get the trash, though, so i was sitting in a trash bag. tasha laughed and marie told me she loved me, and she touched my face and pulled my head into her stomach and i rested against her and watched the world pass from her stomach. i don't care. i have stopped caring what they think...
she showed the list to me, and then took it away, so i reached out to get it back. she held it away, and i chased her all the way to the break room to try and get it from her. we wrestled and she bit me and fell down and we laughed and touched and the world was wonderful. kyle was gone and paul was gone and it was just me and marie... and she loves me, then...
we walked back up front, and on the way back up, my 7-year-old said something, and she said, 'i love you, debbie. do you know how much i love you?'
'no, how much?'
'this much!' she held out her arms wide, and then added, 'enough for a big hug,' and she threw her arms around me. we kept walking towards the door, me backwards and her forwards, hugging each other tight and laughing. i kept tripping, so finally, i spun her around, not letting go, and told her, 'you walk backwards.' i still kept tripping over her, but we didn't let go, just walked all the way out the door like that, past customers and workers and who knows and who cares? i like marie. let them stare. let them talk.
she didn't let go of me when we got outside, and i told her, 'i don't think i can go home...'
she laughed and said, 'yeah, but you can walk me out to my car, right?'
i said yeah, and when we hit the parking lot, we finally let go of each other and went to her car. we stand at her car and talk for a minute, and i tell her she has to stay so i'll get a break tonight (the only night guy who knows how to run register has today off). she hugs me and kisses my cheek and i hug her back. she buries her face in my neck and kisses it softly, and we stay for a minute, and then she lets go and asks, 'can i go home now?'
i keep my hands on her hips and answer, 'only if you come back at 2 and 5 so i can have breaks.'
she says ok.
i let go and say, 'you'd better.'
she feels bad and tells me, 'i'm lying.'
i laugh and tell her it's ok; i knew that, and then she says bye and leaves.
i walk back inside and notice two people sitting on the bench, and i laugh at what they just saw. i don't care. i honestly don't. i unfold the list that she wrote me, and at the bottom, she wrote i <3 you! (only the <3 is right-side-up). it makes me smile...

i like marie. she feels right... being with her feels natural. i don't touch people because it makes me uncomfortable, but touching her makes me feel comfortable. with other girls i've liked, i get so nervous around them that i can't hardly speak. with marie, i just feel good. i like talking to her and touching her... it just feels right. only i know it's wrong, because she's not feeling anywhere near the same. but damnit, if it's wrong, why does it feel so right?

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