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once you leave, you can never go back
brandy is the only thing left here. it used to be that when i left school to come here, i called it 'going home,' and i was happy about it, too. i remember grinning from ear to ear, telling christine, 'i'm going home tomorrow,' and she laughed and told me that if it made me happy, then she was happy too. school was just a place i had to be, 9 months of the year, while i waited to return home, where i could be with holly and my sister and katie's family, and everything good and familiar. now, i'm here because my parents miss me. i miss them, too, but (in the words of jay), home is where your life is. my life is not here. i am visiting, and i find things to do while i'm here the same way i find things to do when i'm vacationing at the beach... i bring things to read, and i go places. i've spent more money in the past 2 days then i spent in the month before that, just keeping myself occupied. tomorrow, i can't go buy stuff because i'll go broke. i can't go see brandy because she has a doctor's appointment. i don't know what i'm going to do all day... at home, there's always a list of things to be done... me and molly keep busy. here, i have no job. i have no room to decorate or clean. i have no friends (except brandy) because they're all away at school. i go up to the store where i used to work with holly, and i don't know most of the people and they don't know me... i don't live here any more, and it makes me sad. now, when i think of home, i think of an old apartment with a broken toilet in the middle of a dirty drunk city full of bums and garbage and loud noises and bad smells. i liked home when it was in the suburbs, and i was just a kid, with parents who took care of me. i liked it when this place was my home...