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i said 'gay.'
*sigh* i did't come out. no big surprise, i guess, but i'm still a little disappointed in myself. i spent all day saying 'gay.' i wandered around the house, saying, 'i'm gay. i'm gay. i'm gay,' just for practice. when i drove to the bank, i spent the whole car ride repeating 'gay gay gay gay gay.' i got mighty good at it, and so at dinner, i did say 'gay.' we were talking about molly and aaron, and i said how he was feminine and she was masculine, and my mom said that aaron could be 'mr. mom.' i said sure, but molly doesn't want kids. then i added that i didn't want any either, and she said i'd change my mind when i got older, and that maternal instinct thing started hitting. i said, 'like terrie? every time she sees a baby, she goes all crazy about how cute babies are and how she wants to have a baby.'
my mom asked how old she was, and when i said 31, she said that was probably it. then she asked, 'is she married?'
i answered, 'nah, she's gay.'
just like that. nice and simple. it's not such a hard word, after all. now if i could just say it and put an 'i am' in front of it...

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don't fret little lion, it will come in time. i promise.

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