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stupidfool
dominic sang an opera song in the middle of udf today, at the request of a lot of drunk customers. he's good. i was impressed, anyway, but i guess it doesn't take much.

marie called and left a message on the machine, asking me to come in early (i was just a cashier today, which was a relief). she called me by my hillbilly name, and was talking all sweet, like i'm her little debbie. i came in early, and i planned on listening to that message about 80 more times when i got home, because i like marie.

kinitra called off work today. i asked rashid why, and he said she was pregnant. i didn't believe him, but he said tyreka had told him, and to ask tyreka... so finally i asked tyreka, and she looked at me like i was crazy and said no, kinitra called off because she was going to homecoming, and she had to get ready. rashid thought it was hilarious that i had believed him. i just hope tyreka doesn't tell kinitra that i asked, because that would seem a little weird...
i don't really like thinking about kinitra wanting to go to homecoming with some guy, either, but it's better than thinking about what she had to do with some guy to get pregnant. i keep talking to rashid about it, mostly because i like talking about her. terrie comes by and says, 'ann is right in the office. i don't care what you do, but make sure that you don't let her see you standing there, talking to him, because if she does, she'll yell at me for it.'
so i wandered away.

later, rashid was still on self-check, and i was over there talking to him and sam (the girl). she's turning 21, and they're going out drinking tonight. she invited me. glad for an excuse, i said, 'i have to work.'
she asked, 'what time do you get off?'
'11:30'
'that's perfect! we're not going out until after midnight, anyway.'
now i need a new excuse, so i mumble that that's scary, and they both ask why, and i don't know...
i'm stupid. i get sick of working all the time and having no life, but every time i get an opportunity to do something, i won't do it. i'm addicted to that which is familiar. i'll only do stuff with people i've known forever... like katie, or nikki. but now that we're at school, they've found new groups of people to hang out with, and they don't have much time for me. rather than going out with new people (that's too 'scary,') i just work 60 hours a week and decline every invitation i get. amit wanted me to go bowling with him and some of his friends a few weeks ago, and i said no. alyssa asked if i wanted to go play video games with her and amit, and i said no. teena asked if i wanted to go see lil bow wow on the scream 2 tour, and i did... but i was scared to go with her, because i haven't known her for 83 years, so i avoided the question until she had to go do something else, and i will continue to do so until lil bow wow has passed through columbus, and then i'll probably tell her, 'why didn't you ask me? i would have gone!' i'm stupid.
marie, of course, is the exception. i won't go anywhere for her, but i'll go to her house when people i don't know are going to be there... i'll hang out with her and jeffy... i'll invite her over here. but i think that's different.
anyway, before i can explain to sam why i think that going to a bar with her, alyssa, jane, and some others would be scary, terrie calls rashid on the intercom. he doesn't hear, so she calls me. i pick it up, glad for an excuse to end the discussion, and she asks, 'guess what ann is yelling at me for?'
'me?' i ask, in a guilty voice.
she laughs and says, 'well, not just you. all you guys, actually.'
'ok, sorry,' i tell her, and i hang up and move away from the counter.
can i marvel at this for a moment? when she called me up and asked that question, you could hear that she was bitter... but it was clearly directed at ann, not me or sam or rashid. and when i guessed that it was my fault, she didn't even care. she just laughed. maybe terrie doesn't hate me. i'll wait a while before i jump to any conclusions, but i'm going to enjoy this while it lasts...

when i got home from work, i discovered that molly had unplugged the answering machine. the message from my marie is lost :-(.

i have a lot of homework. i haven't done anything related to school yet this quarter. i don't even know when my first homework assignment is due. i might have one due monday. i need to work on that. i need to get organized. i need to quit working so much, and i need to stop spending my free time goofing off and doing nothing. i just can't do it. i'll sit down to sort through stuff, and then i'll get distracted and start cleaning my room, and then i'll get distracted and start hanging up posters, and then i'll get distracted and read a note from marie, and then i'll remember that i need to answer my e-mails, but as soon as i sit down to get started on that, i'll remember that i need to check the real mail, and i'll start opening the mail, but before i can clean that up, i'll get distracted by something else. i am hopeless. i start everything and finish nothing. except for homework, which i don't even start.

i guess i'll start working on going to bed now, so maybe i can wake up early tomorrow, and do some homework before work...