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stupidfool
yesterday, i stayed up doing homework and laundry forever. i started my program, and i just wanted to finish it, but the later it got, the slower i was. so i finally finished at 11 am. yeah, that's right, 11 o'clock in the morning. sun shining brightly. so i went to bed at 11 am and i had to wake up at 1:30 to get ready for work. 2 and a half hours of sleep. i was dead. i am dead right now.

i went to work and i was dead. ayrik was teasing me, and some lady thought he was my older brother. this made me laugh. first, he's 14 and i'm 20. and yeah, we're both tall, white, and skinny, but that's where the similarities end.

work was uneventful for a while and i was a zombie. terrie was fine to me though. i think i was insane before. jim had the day off. i took my first break and paced back and forth in the break room becuase i was afraid if i sat down, i'd fall asleep. i went back down and took over for marie on express. i am a zombie. when i went to go on my second break, i was putting the slips in my drawer and i was choking on nothing and coughing and christine was walking by and she pats me on the back a few times and says 'hang in there.' time #3 that she has purposefully touched me. not that i'm counting...

this time i was so tired i had to sit down. and then i had to rest my head for one second. and the next thing i know, i feel this gentle tapping on my hand and hear my favorite voice saying 'loser, wake up sweetie.' i have no idea what's going on. i'm always clueless when i just wake up. i look around and all of a sudden i realize that i probably just fell asleep on my break. with my head still on the table, i manage a sleepy 'uh-oh.' christine laughs. she says it's ok. i ask what time it is and she just says 'defintely past time for your break to be over,' but in a laughing tone. she's not upset. i apologize anyway. she says don't worry about it. (oh, and that was time #4, btw) i go to get my drawer and terrie laughs becuase i guess i have some serious red marks on my face from where my head was on my arm and stuff. i am still slightly out of it. i stumble over to 3 and marie is on express and she just looks at me and starts laughing. she says she told them a long time ago that i was asleep. i say 'huh?' i guess she called christine over the intercom to tell her that i wasn't back yet and had probably fallen asleep and then christine called me over the intercom a couple times to come back up front, and when i still didn't come, then she came up to get me. i feel dumb. but i'm too tired to really feel all that dumb. several customers comment on the red marks, and ask if i just woke up.

i go up and ask if i can leave like 10 minutes early. i have to finish my homework tonight and it has to be emailed in by midnight. i thought the bus would come, so i could just finish it when i got back, but since it's memorial day, the busses are on holiday schedule, which means the last one comes at like 7. i get off at 11. so does christine. i am not speaking very clearly, and i don't think they understand why i want to leave early, but they say it will probably be fine; we'll see when it's closer to then.

then around 10:15, i need cigarettes and terrie and christine are both sitting in the corner, just talking and stuff. terrie is leaving here soon. i think she got transfered, to a higher position somewhere else, so they're talking kind of sad and it almost looks like terrie is crying. i hate to make them get up, so i ask if i can just come in. christine says sure. it's locked so i just climb over. christine says something about the possibility of me working in the office. terrie says i wouldn't like it. christine says she thinks i would. i say i like to know how to do new stuff, which is almost relevant. at least it's a slightly better response than the one i gave yesterday.

at 10 til 11, i go back over to the service desk and say 'i really need to be home by 11:30. can i close off and go?' terrie says yeah. i'm on my way to close off and christine calls after me 'wait, are you walking?' i say yeah. terrie jumps up and says 'well wait, ding-dong!' christine and i laugh. she just called me a ding-dong, of all things... she says 'that's the whole reason why you have to leave early?' i say no, the reason is becuase i have to be back by 11:30 to finish up my homework. she says 'but if you had a ride, you could stay til 11 and make it in plenty of time.' i agree. i don't really know what to say becuase my default position is to refuse rides since i don't want to be a burden, but it's also a burden on them for me to leave early, leaving them with only helen. i don't know which is worse, so i just let them make up my mind for me. terrie says she can drop me off. christine says she'll do it, it's fine. i guess that settles it for them, becuase they send me back off to register, terrie still shaking her head and saying 'ding-dong.' i don't know if i'm supposed to thank them or not. i don't know anything because i am a fucking zombie. i need to sleep. at least it's christine taking me, not terrie. i am finally getting used to being with christine and not feeling awkward, but that took like 6 months. riding home with terrie would be torture.

then it's like 2 til and i just squirted the whole belt full of cleaning stuff, and i'm about to wipe it down. christine and terrie are heading over to clock out, and christine says 'come on, loser.' my hand freezes above the belt and i stammer 'but ees wet!' like that too. 'eees', not 'it's'. christine and terrie crack up, and terrie says 'goofball.' she says i can go ahead and wipe it off. then i clock out and go get my stuff and follow them outside. terrie says she didn't mean to be mean when she called me a ding-dong. she said she would never be that flat-out mean to someone and she hopes i know that. i say i knew. that's a big change from the terrie i was terrified of a few days ago. wow.

in the car on the way home, we talk about terrie leaving. and this other guy, the head grocery man, is leaving too. she says to replace terrie, they're either going to promote someone like her or jp, or they're going to bring someone in from another store. and she says she met the new grocery guy, and he is young and cute and a good worker. and something about how the young and cute part is much more important. i manage a half-laugh. why does it have to be true? then christine says jim was talking about me. i say 'i think he does that a lot.' she laughs and says yeah, but all good stuff. she says she was out with him and jane the other night and he was all upset becuase i'm going home for the summer, and he kept talking about it. i wonder if he has any idea how much of what he says ends up getting back to me. she also says that tonight, she's packing and driving home becuase she's going to a funeral tomorrow, and then going someplace with a friend from school. we have a funeral discussion. and then she asks about my assignment for the night. and then we're here and she says good luck on my assignment and i say 'thanks, have fun at home.' and leave. i like christine. it's not fair.

ok i really really really need to sleep now. i have to go to class tomorrow.