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on second thought...
maybe i don't love her. maybe i just want to be in love, and if not her, who am i going to love? provided that i'm going to love somebody who likes girls, that doesn't give me many options... am i going to love christine, who i haven't seen or heard from in 6 months? (i did love christine. i still do, but i'm not in love with her.) or how about terrie, who is a decade older than me, hates me every other day, and has a girlfriend? (oh, wait. i tried that, too. it didn't work.) or do i just decide to love marie, who holds me and kisses me and calls me her little debbie and tells me that she loves me? if i'm looking for love, it makes sense for me to decide that i've found it in marie. but maybe i don't really love her. maybe i'm just taking physical attraction, combining it with the longing to love and be loved, and coming to the conclusion that i love marie. i don't know... how come i never know what i'm feeling?