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i just wanted her to call... she didn't even have to come here, if i could have just heard her voice on the phone... you can hear the smile when she says my name, and i know it would make me happy... i just wanted to hear her say, in that wonderful tender voice, that she loves me, so i could allow myself to keep on believing that she does love me...

kyle came up this weekend, and i'm sure she spent some time with him... she loves me when we're at work, and she's stuck with me, but now that it's the weekend, and she's free, she has other options, so i don't count any more... why doesn't she care? why can't i make her care? she made me care; i didn't used to... it used to be christine, or terrie, and i only even looked twice at her because she tried so hard to make me notice her and to make me love her. one and a half years, she kept it up, and i hardly noticed, and finally all her hard work paid off, and i noticed her, and when she kept it up, then i liked her, and then i really liked her, and now i'm head over heels and my world is dangerously close to revolving around her, and now that she's won her little game, she can stop trying to make me care. she can stop pretending that she cares, and move on to her next victim, and leave me here crying because all i want is her... she's the one making me hurt; i should want to run away from her, but all i want to do is run to her. i want her to hold me and call me her little debbie and tell me that she loves me and stroke my hair and kiss my face and let me stay, curled up in her arms, until everything else goes away and it's ok again. she creates my problems and she erases them and i'm never going to win that way. why am i so dumb?!?