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stupidfool
i worked with marie for an hour today. she yelled at me for messing up on adding checks, but she said nothing more about living with me, or anything... and i find myself wondering if she was even serious, or if she was just saying that to get me to keep her company until 2 a.m...
later, she yells at me again, for not finishing strapping the twenties. i don't like making her mad, and so i'm feeling bad to begin with, and then the lottery scanner breaks, and i always do everything with the scanner and i don't know how to do a thing manually, so i have to ask for help (from tasha) a bunch of times, and i feel worse.
when marie leaves, i'm still upset, and i ask if she's mad at me. she touches my face and strokes my hair and tells me, 'no, i'm not mad... are you really upset? debbie, you know i love you. it's ok.'
my heart soars and i feel better and i'm sure i love her.
i don't. i'm just stupid. i feel like i love her when she fixes the problems that she makes.

molly comes in and here, where we have something in common again, things seem more normal. when she has stupid customers, she complains to me. i tell her about all the new people and she talks to me and tasha to avoid doing work.
when we get home from work, we're normal again for almost an hour, and then she goes over to aaron's for the night, but she always does that... maybe it was just my imagination, or maybe it was just a phase, or maybe she got over whatever was bothering her, or maybe we just needed a night at the grocery store to remind us that given a topic, we get along well and we understand each other... i don't know.

i don't overlap marie's shifts at all for the rest of the week. i want her to bring up living arrangements again, because i don't want to be the one to do it, but i really do want to live with her. i shouldn't. what about shane? but i do... it will be different. and if molly lives there too, it could be good... really... right?

terrie and jacqui come back from vacation tomorrow. i have something i really want to say about terrie, and i still want to tell the bitter-terrie story, but it's going to take a bit and i have to go to bed... it's been on my mind for over a week, now, and sometime, i swear i'll find the time to write it.

midterm tomorrow. i didn't study. i'm not going to. i'm going to bed so i don't sleep through it.