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g is hot. she's not hot by normal straight boy standards, but she's hot to me. she has cornrows sometimes, but real short, like shorter than bow wow's. she's a little taller than me, and a lot wider than me, and she's just big and strong-looking. i can just imagine how safe i'd feel in her arms... and she is so tough and butch that i was 95% sure that she was gay, which made her even hotter... and she always says hi to me. like i came in to pick up my paycheck the other day, and i was waiting in line, and michelle was talking to me. michelle headed over to the low door, so my eyes followed her, and g was waiting in the doorway. i caught her eye and felt embarrassed and got tongue-tied, and g just smiled and said, 'hey, debbie.'
i said, 'hey,' and i'm thinking wow!

so today, kelly and i were in the office, and g got called in to cover josephine's shift. every time she comes near me, i just start smiling. it's a smile like, hey, you're so hot that i have no idea what to say to you, but i'm going to just smile this big dumb grin, so at least maybe i'll seem friendly, ok?

she goes on break. i take her till from her (with that big dumb grin), and she says thanks. she goes out in the lobby and uses the phone, for her entire break. when she comes back in, she comes to the low door, and i jump on over to assist her. she looks kind of troubled, and she says, 'hey, i was just talking to my friend on break, and my fiance got in a car accident. i don't know how bad it is, but i gave them the number here... so if i get a phone call, it's kind of an emergency... is that ok?'
the first thing i think is oh no, poor g, her fiance got in an accident, i hope he's ok... i hope she's ok... but before i can even react to that thought, the next one hits: g has a fiance!
what i should say now is, 'do you want to leave? it's ok if you want to go see him, we can manage...'
what comes out is, 'uhhh... you're still here?'
she acts like i haven't just asked a question with an obvious answer. she just says, 'yeah.'
so i get her a till, and i half-way redeem myself by telling her, 'i'll come get you right away if anybody calls,' and then i make sure to tell kelly that if g gets a phone call, it's important.

nobody calls for her. no news is good news, i hope. when her shift ends, she gives her drawer to kelly, and kelly says, 'i hope everything works out ok...'
g says thanks. then she stops over to see me, and asks if the paychecks will be in tomorrow. i say they probably will. she says, 'i'm not sure if i'll be able to make it here tomorrow...'
i should say something nice, but i can't think of anything. i'm not insensitive, just stupid... the only words that come to mind are the ones i just heard kelly say, and i don't want to seem like a copy-cat... and then i wonder, does she mean that she's supposed to work tomorrow, and she can't come? so i ask that, and she says no, she's not supposed to work again until saturday. she just meant that she wasn't sure if she'd make it up here to get her paycheck, or even if they'd be in.
say something nice, now. come on, show her that you're concerned. think of something, stupid!
i mumble, 'uhhh...'
so she keeps talking, 'because the car accident, i don't know how bad it was, but i'll probably be with her all day, you know?'
HER!?!?!?!?!?!?! g's fiancee is a her!? did i hear that right? am i confused? now i definitely can't think of any good words to say. i stammer, 'yeah, yeah, uh-huh, well you can call, for the paycheck, i mean, to see if they're here, before, so you know, you know...'
i run out of words, so she fills in, 'yeah, that's good, i'll call to see if they're in before i make the trip up here, for sure.'
i nod, and i'm so shocked by the 'her' that my brain doesn't even remember to try to think of something nice to say. when i'm silent, she says, 'see ya,' and i say 'bye,' and then i just stand there, blinking.
kelly calls me and i turn to face her, but can't focus right, and i stare through her, still blinking like it'll make g's words more clear... kelly says, 'boy do you look confused... what's the matter?'
i say, 'g's fiance got in a car accident, right?'
she says, 'yeah.'
'who?' i ask.
'her fiance...' she answers slowly, like she thinks i'm losing it.
'yeah, her fiancee...' i muse, and i'm blinking again. why do i blink when i'm confused?
kelly watches me, and finally says, 'my god, child, tell me what you're thinking!'
'g's fiance... is a girl?' i ask.
kelly laughs and says, 'i didn't know that, but it wouldn't surprise me. why do you ask?'
i repeat what i think i heard g say, and kelly shrugs, 'yeah, i guess so, then. if i had thought about it, i probably would have guessed that anyway...'
i laugh. 'yeah, i guess me too,' i say.
it's true. i said i was 95% sure she was gay, and i meant it... it's just that recieving proof is so exciting and amazing... i feel like i'm adding somebody to my team...

i tell rashid, because i tell rashid everything. he says, 'that makes you happy, doesn't it?'
i just laugh and tell him to shut up.

i make a promise to myself. the next time i see g, i'm going to remember to ask her about her fiancee. i'll call her fiancee a fiancee (no pronouns until i'm sure), but i'm going to ask. i want to know if her fiancee is ok, and i want her to know that i want to know. i don't want her to think i'm some insensitive kid who's only worried about having the shifts covered (since both questions i asked today came out sounding that way).

g has a fiancee... well, i suppose if she's going to be taken, i'm glad she's taken by a girl...