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customers are jerks
last night, i woke up around 4 a.m. and was sick... i'll leave out all the details, but i didn't make it back to bed until nearly 5. it was no fun.

this morning, a leaf blower woke me up. i get all mad, thinking, who the hell is blowing leaves this early in the morning?? then i look at the clock. it's 1:15 p.m. i slept through all 4 of my classes...

so i got up, and at least i made it to work in time.

can i rant about work for a while? i hate the way our store is run. we don't have any policies for anything. seriously, if you ask about our return policy, it's different every time. when i first started, i thought i just didn't know the policies, so i would always ask somebody else... but then, i find myself getting opposite answers from different people. today, some lady comes in with a receipt for about 10 items, and says, 'i bought this stuff yesterday morning. i just discovered that i didn't have any of these 5 items,' and points to the 5 most expensive items on her receipt, one of which is a $20 teeth whitening kit. usually, if somebody comes in and says they didn't get something, like a gallon of milk or something, we just believe them and let them get it... but this is a little extreme. so i ask tasha what she thinks. she thinks this is a little extreme, and says to ask jacqui. so i call jacqui and tell her about the situation, and she asks, 'hmm... how does she look? does she look honest?'
this is how we make our decisions. our policies vary from customer to customer depending on how honest they look... and i think that's dumb. returns without a receipt? we don't do them... unless you look honest. can we refund you the money for an item that wasn't in your bag (meaning that you don't have the item, but now that you don't have it, you realize that you didn't want it in the first place)? no... unless you look honest. and 'looking honest' is different to everybody... so half the time, the customer gets angry at me, asks to speak to my manager, and my manager might decide that they 'look honest' enough for us to do what they want. or, in some cases, the manager decides that the customer is probably just trying to scam us, but she's not in the mood to argue with them, so she'll override my call anyway. then i wind up looking like a moron who doesn't know how to do my job, and the customer gives me an i-told-you-so glare and i feel stupid. it's not really that my bosses have better judgment than me, because who's to say what constitutes 'good' judgment, when we will never find out what our answer should have been? it's just that they have different judgment than me, and everything we do is just a judgment call.
so, every time a customer wants to do something that goes against what i think our policies should be, i ask the csc or acsc on duty. if it goes against what they think our policy should be, then we ask the manager on duty... and their call is final.
why can't we just have a written policy? don't normal stores do that?

the jerky customer of the day:
this guy calls me on the phone, asking about ticketmaster. technically, we're not allowed to give out any ticketmaster information over the phone. if it's something simple, like 'do you sell tickets to bruce springsteen?', and i know that i've been selling those tickets all day, then i'll usually just say yes, and save myself the trouble of explaining that i can't tell them the answer. however, if it involves looking anything up in the ticketmaster database, i have to explain that ticketmaster is a walk-in service only, and that we're not authorized to give that information over the phone... because when i have to explain that, people get bitchy. no, i'm not making this up. i'm not trying to be a jerk. i'm not trying to inconvenience you. i'm just trying to do my job. when ticketmaster made us an agent, they laid down some basic rules, and this was one of them. don't blame me.
so this jerk calls today. he asks, 'is this ticketmaster?'
well, this is the service desk of a grocery store that sells tickets through ticketmaster. i assume that will do, and say, 'yes, but ticketmaster is a walk-in service only.'
he asks, 'ok. what time is the guns n roses concert tonight?'
'i'm sorry, sir, but ticketmaster is a walk-in service. you might try calling ticketmaster, or checking online, but we can't give that information out over the phone.'
'what do you mean? i just want to know when the concert starts. don't tell me you don't know that!'
'not off the top of my head, i don't, and we aren't allowed to give any information out over the phone. it's ticketmaster's policy.'
'but i'm not looking to buy tickets, or to find seats, or anything! all i want to know is what time the event starts.'
'i'm sorry, sir. you could try calling nationwide... i'm pretty sure that's where they're holding the concert.'
this goes on for several minutes. he keeps insisting that he only wants to know what time the concert starts, and that's not giving out real information, because that should be common knowledge. about 30 seconds into it, i give up. i look around for any ticketmaster spies, and then, while i continue to argue with him, i look up the concert. i don't even have to go into the concert info page to find the starting time. so he screams, 'but all i want to know is when the concert starts!!!!'
i sigh, 'fine. 7:30.'
he pauses. then, without a thank you or anything, he asks, 'how much does a ticket cost?'
what the fuck?
'i'm sorry, sir. ticketmaster is a walk-in service only. i can't tell you that over the phone.'
'but all i want to know is how much a ticket costs! that's it! how hard is that?'
asshole. two minutes ago, all you wanted to know was when the concert starts. you're getting a little greedy, here... and i'm getting fed up. i retort, 'look, before, you only wanted to know when it started. if you want to know how much a ticket costs, you need to come here, like all the rest of our ticketmaster customers, or else you're going to have to find another way to figure it out, because, like i've been saying for the past 5 minutes, i can't tell you that over the phone.'
he snaps, 'go to hell,' and he hangs up on me.
customers are jerks. you go out of your way and break the rules to do something nice for them, and instead of being appreciative, they just want more. and they tell you to go to hell. i'm never being nice again.

and holidays suck. we are way too busy... i wind up out on register for half the night. why do people have to eat for thanksgiving? why can't they celebrate by fasting or something?
i hate turkeys. they're heavy and cold.
i hate having to explain, over and over again, that you only get a turkey at 47 cents a pound if you have an additional $20 purchase. no, your turkey can't count as part of that $20. no, i will not allow you to purchase $20 worth of checklane candy, and then go up to the service desk and return it. first of all, most of our service desk workers would catch that. and second of all, you can bet i will call them and warn them. when they refund you $20, they will add your turkey savings right back on.
i hate having to tell people about the 24-can limit on canned vegetables. it doesn't matter if you only have 25... or 26... or 30... if you have more than 24, you've over the limit, and you have to pay full price for that one or two or 6 cans. i don't care if you're buying it for charity. after i scan 24 of them, my register automatically charges you full price for the rest. there is no button on my register that says 'ignore all the rules-this order is for charity.' if the charity means that much to you, put these 24 cans in your car, come back in, and buy 24 more cans in the next line over. we're way too busy to notice. in fact, we have 8 lanes open right now. you can get up to 192 cans for charity, at the sale price, if you really want to work at it. and if you don't want to work at it, then don't. but don't yell at me for following the rules.
i hate people who try to get rainchecks on items that we're not out of. eggs are on sale this week. so is milk. these cheap bastards want to get milk on sale for the rest of their lives, and they think a raincheck is a good way to accomplish that... at the service desk, they say, 'you're all out of milk. i need a raincheck.' i know damn well we're not out of milk. in fact, i'm sure there's some on the shelf. i'll offer to get them some 'from the back,' and as soon as i head to the door, they suddenly decide that they're in a hurry, and they don't have the time to wait... they'll just stop in tomorrow. what's even worse is when i'm on register, and the idiots come through my line, with milk and eggs, and then ask for a raincheck on the milk and eggs. i play dumb. 'oh, did you get the last ones? i'm sure there's some more in the back. how many more did you want?' then, they get mad at me! i'm an evil person, for not letting them cheat.

today's good thing:
i was the banker today. usually, that job goes to the person with the most seniority, but tasha, jane, and michele were all upstairs. (i don't blame them. if i was important enough to have an excuse to be up there, i'd spend my whole shift up there too. customers suck.) we had no clean tills, and nobody wanted to come down to count them, so jane told me to just do it. usually, the banker spends the large majority of their shift in the office, and the other person (usually me) handles everything at the counter. despite the fact that i spent several hours on register, and that i spent 4 hours alone behind the service desk, i still managed to get us out of there on time. in between customers, i did all the tills, and i did half the bookwork too. and my cash count was right on. i can't wait til i get some seniority, because banking is the part of the job that i like...

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customers are jerks. you go out of your way and break the rules to do something nice for them, and instead of being appreciative, they just want more. and they tell you to go to hell.

Stuff like that is EXACTLY why I never answer the phones at my job...

the problem with that tactic is that at my job, if i don't answer the phone, i have to deal with real live customers... and 9 times out of 10, they're even worse than the ones on the phone.

where do you work? on second thought, that's a lazy question. let me do some research...
papa john's. see, pizza delivery is something i could get into. it's just you and your car and the occasional cranky customer... and the idiots like me, who, for the first year of college, had no idea that you were supposed to tip your delivery person. ok, on second thought, that job could be pretty bad too.

it's just you and your car and the occasional cranky customer... and the idiots like me, who, for the first year of college, had no idea that you were supposed to tip your delivery person. ok, on second thought, that job could be pretty bad too.

Don't forget the folks who try to rob you on the street and the people who try to run into you on the highways...

Customers touch goats

Goat-touching perverts.

Re: Customers touch goats


Re: Customers touch goats

Aye, goats.


Re: Customers touch goats

why goats? why not sheep, or elephants?

Re: Customers touch goats

I dunno, I'm not the one that does it. Ask them.

The goat-touching perverts.

Re: Customers touch goats

i have a funny feeling that if (in 15 minutes, when i go to work) i ask my customers why they touch goats, they'll think i'm the perverted one...

Re: Customers touch goats

Do it. They're just trying to make you feel bad by projecting their guilt onto you.

Say to them, each and every one, "Why do you touch goats you big goat-touching pervert?" If they deny that they do, then you know for sure that they do it.

Then report them to your boss and to the police for being goat-tocuhers. If they want any proof, then say, "Just look at their goat-touching hands and goat-loving faces, there's your proof!"

Then they'll get arrested.

The goat-touching perverts.

Re: Customers touch goats

that's a very clever plan. i'll be sure to try that out soon... like in a few days, or months, or years... or maybe i'll wait, and just do it the day before i'm going to quit. i mean, i'm sure i won't get fired for exposing the customers' true goat-touching, perverted selves... but what if my boss and the police are goat-touching perverts, too? then i could be the one to get arrested, when i was only trying to protect our country from the evil, perverted goat-touchers! it's an unfair society that i live in today, and it never hurts to be careful...

Re: Customers touch goats

You have to stand up for what you believe in! If you're not part of the solution, you may as well be a part of the problem!

Expose them!

The goat-touching perverts!

Re: Customers touch goats

how about if i just wait until after the thanksgiving rush? then i'll step up, and be a part of the solution...

Re: Customers touch goats

Why so hesitant to expose their wrongness?

Oh, I see... You're on of THEM now!

Goat-touching pervert!

Re: Customers touch goats

no, no no! i'm not, i swear! i don't even know what a goat looks like... i'm pretty sure i've never seen a real goat, and i live in the city. where would i find a goat to touch? i WILL go expose those goat-touching perverts... right now!

Re: Customers touch goats

You'd better. If I even so much as hear a whisper of you going to the petting zoo you're in trouble...

Living in the city doesn't make you immune to this depravity. Goat-touchers will find all ways and means to indulge in their sin.

Now go and do the work of the anti-goat-touchers. Remember, if you ARE one of them I WILL find out...

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