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the molly mess
well, last night, after talking to marie about it, and then after going over the entire situation with my sister online, i finally reached a decision on the whole molly thing. of course, then came the bug and i might have messed it up. but i'll think about that later. right now, i want to get down what i thought through last night.

first, i'll recap the entire molly situation, from the day i first noticed that she was acting mad at me (this rant is copied straight from the aim conversation i had with fly, where i explained it all to her):

ever since i knew molly, we've been saying that when we both had cars, we would move off-campus. earlier this year, i bring it up, and she says, 'i might just get a one-bedroom place.'
the reason? basically, her boyfriend and her alcohol are more important to her than me. anybody else would have been insulted, but i know how she is about alcohol, so i'm just like 'whatever,' and i work on finding another roommate.

she leaves messes everywhere, like the kind that could attract ants. anybody else might be annoyed, but i figure that i knew she was a slob when i moved in with her, and if i want it cleaner than she wants it, it's my responsibility to make it that way... so i clean up after her.

she smokes pot in the house, which is illegal, and it stinks. she never even asked if i minded. this might bother somebody else, but i figure who am i to dictate what she does in her spare time? so i keep my mouth shut, and shut my door and open my window when it starts to give me a headache.

she's constantly playing my video games, so much that i can't even play them when i want to, even though they're my games, my controllers, my system, and even my tv. i just wait til she's done, or i don't play them at all, because i don't want to annoy her, and ask her to move...

and one time, i bought a brand new video game, and she and aaron opened it up, while i was in the house. aaron asked if i wanted to play, and molly pointed out, 'she can't. she only has 2 controllers.'
aaron says, 'oh, never mind.'
hello?! my game, my system, my controllers, but because i only bought TWO controllers, obviously, i bought those two for molly and aaron to use, and if i had wanted to play my own brand new game, i should have thought to buy a controller for myself, right?
i think that's rude... but i've done rude things before, just because i didn't think about it, so i give her the benefit of the doubt, and assume that she just didn't think... i'm not mad...

she goes days and days without speaking to me. she ignores me and gives me the evil eye and tells aaron how awful i am, even though i still don't know what i've done... but molly is my friend, right? so i just try to be as nice as possible, and i work extra hard to do my fair share around the house... i pay all the bills, on time, and wash the dishes. i try to be the perfect roommate, figuring that if i'm perfect enough, maybe i can make her stop hating me.

thursday, i had spare time for the first time in my life, and i went out and bought a video game that i had really wanted to play, but hadn't bought because i knew i wouldn't have the time to play it. i told molly about the game, because she was being semi-nice to me that day. she asks, after looking at the game, 'so were you going to play that tonight? because i sort of wanted to take your memory card over to aaron's...'
being the nice roommate that i am, i tell her to go ahead and take it; i'll just do something else tonight, and save my new game for later. after i agree to let her take it, she stops speaking to me again; evidently, she was only being nice so i would let her take my memory card...

i'm a little upset, but i'm still not mad at her... i certainly don't dislike her... i just figure if i keep being nice, maybe she'll like me again, or at least she'll sit down and tell me what it is about me that's making her so mad...

but sunday night was the LAST STRAW!
we both worked. i did a 3-11, and she did a 5-11. i was in grocery. that means that nothing in the front end is my responsibility... i have a whole lot of stocking to do, and i have nothing to do with registers or u-scan or any of that.
around 6, a bunch of us decided to order food, molly and me included. i had been there for 3 hours, and i had been throwing stock and dragging heavy carts and working hard and sweating, and i was tired and hungry... i wanted a break, but i figured i'd wait a half hour, so i could eat the food that was coming.
the food came at 6:45. molly had been there not even 2 hours, and she had been running u-scan. i run u-scan all the time... it's nothing. she had been wandering up to the service desk, talking to marie and alyssa, and wandering back to u-scan to hit a few buttons...
but the food is here and she wants a break, now. marie begs me to run molly a break before i eat my food, because molly really really really wants to go now. she tells me it will only be for 15 minutes, and she knows molly's not due for a break, but please, do it for her, because molly will be mad at her if she doesn't get a break, and it's not marie's fault, so i agree to do it... (keep in mind, i don't get out of any of my grocery duties because i've agreed to run molly's break; jacqui is upset to see me in the front end, and i have to promise her that i'll work twice as hard when i get back there to make up for this.)
so it's not my responsibility to give her a break, and i'm due for a break (she's not), but i agree to do it anyway because i'm nice, and i figure molly will appreciate it...
instead, she takes a FORTY-FIVE MINUTE BREAK!
after 25 minutes, marie calls her back up front, and she says she'll come.
after 35 minutes, marie tells me to call her, and i tell marie that she won't listen to me, because she hates me. marie says to call her anyway, so i do. i ask, politely, 'are you about done?'
i'm not accusing, not even mad, just asking...
she says, 'maybe. what's it to you?'
i say, 'i'm just hungry'
she says, 'awww, poor baby. i'll be up when i feel like it,' and hangs up on me.
10 minutes later, she's still not back, and i beg marie to let helen run u-scan because i'm tired and hungry. marie agrees and right then, molly comes back.

i go back to break, and marie says to molly (just sorta teasing, not mean), 'that wasn't very nice of you.'
molly asks, 'why not?'
marie says, 'you know, she's in grocery today. she only ran that break to do you a favor, so you could eat your sandwich while it was hot...'
molly says something about, 'well i felt like taking a long break,' and gets all defensive.
marie doesn't want to make molly mad, so she says, 'oh, i'm not mad or anything, i don't care that you took a long break. it's just that i worry about the impression it's giving debbie... she thinks you hate her.'
molly snaps, 'i do.'
marie's all shocked, because i've told her molly hates me, but she thought i just had low self-esteem or something... so she goes, 'why?????'
molly won't answer. marie asks 'why?' like 80 million times, and molly just says, 'just because,' and 'she's stupid,' but when marie asks her what i did that was stupid, she's just vague, and says, 'everything...'

so i give up. now i'm MAD!!!! it's like, if she's going to hate me, no matter what i do, i'm going to give her something worth hating!

it just seems like she's been taking advantage of me. she won't be mean to my face, because she never knows when she might need me for something... but behind my back, she has no problem telling people that she hates me... and i'm sick of it! i don't have to let her walk all over me, and i don't have to be nice to her. just because i used to like her doesn't mean that i still have to like her... if she's being a jerk, it's ok for me to treat her like a jerk. and i vow to do just that...

marie says i don't know how to be a jerk. she's right... so i go over the fine points with my sister, and we discover that really, there's not much i can do. i can stop being nice to her, and i can say 'no' when she asks to take my memory card...
but if i start playing games, like hiding the memory card, then she can do the same to me, because she has lots of stuff that i use, too... it's hard to hide a washer and a dryer, but if she could prevent me from using them, that would be a pain...
i can't exactly hurt her. if i tried, she could crush me with one hand. i'm weak. she's strong.
i could refuse to give her breaks, when we're at work... but nobody else will stand for that. if i refuse to run her a break, jane will get stuck doing it... in the end, molly will still get her break, and jane will be the one to suffer...
i could stop doing dishes, and cleaning up after her... but that would bother me way before it would bother her.

so there's not much (or at least, nothing i can think of) that i can do to be mean to her... but at least i can stop being nice. at least i see what's going on, here. at least i know that nothing i can do will make her stop hating me... and at this point, i don't think i want her to stop hating me anyway. who needs a friend like that, anyway?

molly is a jerk. for real. she hated alana, and she never really had a reason for that... she hated dwight... she hated our RA... i always marveled at the number of people she hated, for no good reason... she hated more people than i liked, and i like almost everybody... but i always thought that i was different. i mean, for 3 years, i was her friend. i saw her 'hate' every single one of her other friends, but through it all, she still liked aaron and me. we were the only two people who she could stand to be around... and i thought that made me special.
it didn't. it just made me lucky, and now my luck's run out... and in a way, i'm glad it happened now. this would probably be a lot more traumatic if it had happened when i was some old lady in a nursing home, and molly had been my best friend for 78.3 years... now, i'm young. i'm resilient. screw her.